i've been so hardworking, i worked the whole of yesterday right after exams and this whole day too.

i think i got a neck cramp btw.

I accomplished:

-packing all my clothes and hangers in luggages, and all my books too (NO EASY FEAT OKAY!)

after packing about half, i was so tired i fell asleep on the bed for about 15 minutes while folding clothes



- i submitted an application to global engagement summit!!!

okay, actually i dont really think i will get to go, but i'm just this super compulsive person, and if i think i wanna do it, even if i think it's probably not a good idea, i will STILL DO IT.

i have proven this nature to myself over n over n over n over againnnn.

the summit is held a week before the final exams of next sem. hahaha, and its not even in singapore.

but i just HAD to submit a proposal, else i'd be really uncomfortable, and i keep looking at the application form. hahaha. ive been looking at it for days, and thinking about it, even before exams ended.


but its such a cool conference okay!!!
they're asking for project ideas for change in society!

i love stuff to do with social entrepreneurship!!

so i submitted a a proposal titled: combating negative inner city youth culture with positive culture


the main idea is that planning organizations usually use technical tools such as law, enforcement etc to deal with negative youth gang, drug or sex culture.

but i think that's the wrong approach!! so i said that we should use positive culture as the medicine for negative culture. and of course i elaborated a lot, using ballroom culture as my example :D

okay, i wrote that all here, because i really dont think im actually going!!

besides the fact that it's super competitive and they're only accepting 15-20 international delegates, i also didn't tell my mother that i applied to a seminar held in US, a week away from exams.

hahahahha.

but i wish i couldd!!! it's like the platform for a dream job in future dealing with social change and looking at human rights issues!!

and it'd be super cool to hear what other people propose. some of them will prob get funding to actually carry out their project.


yea, but anyway. tsk me. compulsive nature. i felt very happy just to submit my proposal.

i had managed to convince myself yesterday not to bother writing and applying. but when i woke up, i wanted to do it again. then while i ate breakfast, i decided it was a waste of time to apply for something i really dont have much chance of getting. then i talked to myself and told myself that i have no exams now anyway, and it would be fun to concretise random ideas into a proposal.

So i did.




and i finished a ton of admin stuff for the dance team tooo!!!


so proud of myself :D

and looking forward to dinner with angelina! <3



forgot if i posted this before. but i loveee the colours

Im finally done!!!

I'm free as can be!! :D


ok actually not!!!

i owe a lot of admin work to dance, and my dance teacher haha.

lotsa planning, cover letters to write, emails to send, info to collate, dances to learn!!!

but thats okay, cos it's fun work!!!



and I have to pack my luggage to go home!


i'm as happy as a bee :D

SEVEN MORE HOURS AND IT WILL BE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!


3pm, please come now!!!!

it's amazing how one conversation can make me feel so disturbed, and a bit loser-ish. ):


a party girl/model head hunter was talking to me

and she asked me some questions about dance, and asked if i model, and then she asked me

where do u party?

as if its a very normal thing to do. which uh i guess it is for some ppl.


and i uh think i sounded a bit lame. ):

i said i spend all my time dancing so i dont party.

OH NO. I WAS PEER PRESSURED INTO TELLING A HALF-TRUTH ):

seeing as she parties practically everyday, i felt a bit too lame to tell her that i think the music is too loud and i need F1 earplugs in a club. ):


and i recommended her one of my friends if she's keen to look for a male model.

and she absolutely shocked me by asking me if i've done him.

i was stunned for a minute i think.



and she asked me, 'are u the decent sort, babe?'


and i seriously cringed. i didnt know how to answer without making it seem like i think other ppl are very indecent.

so uh. i settled for saying that i won't judge, but i have my own opinions on what should or shouldn't be done.



and then yea she asked if im comfy doing swimwear shoots. i dunno why she decided to try asking again since i already said no before..

and anw to cut the long story short, of course i said no. (my mum would banish me to siberia otherwise)

but out of curiosity, i asked why ppl would pay girls to take such shots, since it's not commercial or anything

and she gave me very honest answers:

some are in it for the art
others are perverts







anyway, i feel rather disturbed. it feels dark and scary.



hmm, guys should protect girls and keep them safe and warm, and give them cuddles and cookies. and not bully them or try to use them :/

ONE MORE PAPER TO GO!!!!!!



i am very proud of myself today. (: i wrote 22 pages in 1 hour 40 minutes (:

when i asked for a third booklet of paper, the invigilator asked me if i finished writing in the other one. haha

:D

i like exams whereby i have so much to say.

one of my chosen questions was on shopping malls and retail geography, maybe that's why i wrote so much.



so i treated myself to hot chocolate from starbucks (:

I think Kpop is a very good phenomenon


there's so much entertainment produced by western pop culture, that some asian ones provide more realistic images for young Asian girls.

and its always nice when these asian stars dont do anything to their face or body to make it beyond asian possibility, such as super curves or overly sharp features.

haha. (:

just a thought (:

i like wondergirls, and i started listening to SNSD recently. actually its not so much of the song, i like the dances (:

and the girls are cute (: i like cute ((:



and almost all my friends are done with exams!!! but i have 2 papers more )))):


hurrrry examssss, be over!!!!!!!!

i love my friends!!! SO MUCH!

i am seriously blessed with a lottttt of wonderful friends.


viva girls

i had an AWESOME SHOPPING TRIP!!!!!! :D :D :D

i really love having girlfriends you know.

and they're girly like me :D

everytime we eat, we can order a few things and share, so everyone gets to try everything, which i really like!!! :D

and we always have room for dessert!

and we go shopping for hoursss!!! :D i really like that!!

and we have girl talk, and we do silly girly things together. (((:



oh and all 3 of us bought this coupon thing!! 30 favors to say i love you

and we promised that when we use each coupon we will tell each other the story!!



i love storiessss (((:



im so happyyyy :D

but im quite a terrible student, i have 2 more papers next week :/ haha

lovely captainnn

and i've been spending a lot of time with my lovely friend :D

studying together at starbucks the entire day, sleepovers, dancing etc (:

I think i've prob watched a million dance videos because of her, and i have to always tell her to STUDYY!!! hahah

and she teaches me dance techniques and i sit on her to stretch her, but she always bursts into peals of laughter and falls all over.

she's like a small elf with sunshine laughter when she's happy. :D

Bro

most awesome guy friend ever, and the only guy i actually believe will really be there for me when i need him.

we have a funny friendship really. sometimes we dont see each other or talk for like months, but when we do, its as if we last talked yesterday. the funny thing is that we often miss each other's significant high points, sometimes, we even miss birthdays.

but we're always there for each other's lowest points in life. haha, its cool. i really really highly doubt i'll have another guy friend whom im so comfy with, and yet we are really really completely platonic.


DJSLX

technology is seriously wonderfullll

and whatsapp is the best thing ever!!!

I CAN SMS JESS FOR FREE :DDDD while she is sitting in her econometrics lecture!!! how cool is that!!


and we can group chat too!!! i feel very excited whenever someone replies. haha the same way i used to check yahoo very often when our email threads were active. haha :D

and JESS IS COMING HOME SOOOOON!!!! :D

i'm going to have someone to call on the house phone!!! :D


jazi

i stalk her pretty face on fb and i stalk her writing on her blog very often.

and and she's another of those rare friends that i can't see and can't talk to for monthsss and yet we can just pick up where we left off :D

she is also my oldestttt friend, so i guess when u've been friends for 17 years, a few months of separation between meetings don't matter :p


love her <3





anyway, i have 4 very important Js in my life.


Jasmine. Jessica. Joshua. AND... JESUS :D

hahaha isn't it cool?? i was real amused at the affinity i have with Js. :D


maybe i need to find a life partner with a name starting with J as well :p hahaha jkk





and i'm going to meet up with more of my friends soon! :D

i think the gymmers might be meeting soon! (it was so lovely to bump into shinnamon at starbucks that day )

and im meeting angelina buddy!!! whose blog i have been faithfully stalking as well :D i miss her!!! everytime i see silly kids stuff or caterpillar cartoons i will think of her and charlie the caterpillar. hahaha


i might be meeting shiao, whom i haven't seen in the longest time!!!!

wicked with puppy soon!! :D im really quite excited to hear the songs live!!






I AM SO BLESSED :D


with friends like that, I don't feel scared for my exams!!!! :D



i've had a rather happy exam revision period and my exams have been going smoothly and well so farrrr. :D

i walked home in the thunderstorm today

i was completely utterly soaked to the bone

my clothes were completely soaked through, and my hair got a wash

it was like showering

i splashed in the puddles

and i closed my eyes and lifted my face to the sky

it was awesome

i haven't played in the rain since forever.

((:


i was going home from exams, and wondering how i'd get back without an umbrella

then i figured, im going to get wet with an umbrella anyway, i might as well just not care and enjoy a slow walk in the rain.


(:



i love rainy days.

sweet potato and me

A place within my heart
My heart within a place
A small shop in which I’ve recalled so many memories
So many memories, created in that little shop.

I love sweet potato porridge.
With tomato egg and cabbage.


It’s been a refuge as I got through the first semester of uni
Listening to silly melancholic mandarin love songs
Feeling my eyes get blurry, and my nose get fuzzy
At every thought of you being so far away

I always asked myself
Why can’t you be here?
Why can’t I be there?
Love, we're but separated by an ocean or two

It’s been here that I return to after dance lessons
After disappointments or excitements in dance
I comfort or reward myself with piping hot porridge
Defrosting myself from the cold of the long bus ride
Resting my achy muscles in the warmth of familiarity


It’s been here that I sent you those silly sweet text messages
That made you nearly drop your phone
And received the replies that made me
Smile into my sweet potato porridge

It’s been here that I bragged that I was going to have 10 dances at my wedding
And you proudly told me you were going to do the same

Well, you might still have your 10 dances, maybe...
As for me, we’ll see…

But for now
It’s sweet potato and me.

wowww, blogger has a new posting format. so coolio now.

haha and i should prob not be blogging in the midst of exams!

but this place is practically like a dumping ground for thoughts, and im scared i'll forget!

and i shouldnt be reading abt dance stuff, but i couldnt resist of course. so here's some stuff i found on various websites!

some things about dance partnerships

1. For serious competitors, a dance partnership can be just as sensitive and personal as a minor marriage.

okay, i kinda balked when i saw this! MINOR MARRIAGE?!?!?! what on earth is a minor marriage?! GOSH!!! i hope that if i ever get married, it will be a major marriage? hahah, not just major, but singular! hahaha

2. One of the most essential traits about a good partnership is that you honestly respect and admire the way the other person dances. You must honestly like their style. You like their sex appeal, their timing, and feel in your heart, that they're very, very good. You would be amazed at how much more fun and creative you both can be when you respect and enjoy each other's dance style.

i think this is reallllly true, which might be a reason for my currently very unsuccessful stagnant partnership. i've don't enjoy his dancing anymore, and i find a lot of problems with it, and probably, he finds lots of problems with me too.
which is why we, or at least, I am unhappy.





on a side note, this totally applies to relationships.


3. The break-up of a dance partnership can be very emotional, depending on the degree ofcommitment and time invested. As stated earlier, when hopes, dreams, emotions with a significant amount of time and money are invested toward a goal, one or both partners can be heartbroken.This might be difficult for a non-dancer or a non-competitor to understand, and even confusing for the person experiencing the emotions. But the loss of a dance partnership brings about similar emotions, especially if one of the partners has already moved on to a new partner.


sigh. so i dont want to create unnecessary drama for my now happy life. but im still quite unhappy with the dancing.


its not that i think im better than him in any way... its just that i am beginning to feel that my frame is too big for him.

his waist is seriously too small, that sometimes it can't support my weight very well. which is why we always have probs with stunts.

and that's what the teacher said too.



but i shall think about this again another time. STUDYYYYY love <3




oh and if anyone is keen to read the full article, it's here!

http://www.salsastories.com/stories_c-d/competitors_only.htm

it even has a section discussing whether u should sleep with ur partner, and how to handle jealousy. LOL. talk abt intense.

my daddy shared a nice message with me today, that he learnt from church.

He shared about what the pastor said about Joseph, and about life.

Good and bad things are gonna happen in turn, so don't be too sad when thing's don't go well, things will get better and cherish the good things, but don't build up an identity around it, because it's going to fall as well.


However, because we trust in God, we can rest assured that at the end of our lives, God will take us to a good place.

(:

i quite liked it.

it's true isn't it? (:

I HAVE BEEN EATING LIKE MAD.

Cheese fries!!!




fried ice cream!!! <3 <3 <3 SO DELICIOUS




anyway, it's almost 3am now. i just came back from a salsa social and supper with the dancers, many of whom i've met for the first time.

and i danced salsa and open hold bachata.

and both dances i have no idea how to do, so i just followed the guy's leading. i bet i mangled many steps, but its okay.
some guys were really considerate and tried to keep their dancing at my level, and some just keep spinning me around and around until im so dizzy. i just tried my best to follow whatever steps they did.

but it was fun on the whole, although quite stressful also. i really have to just follow the guy's leading cos i really dont know any steps.


kinda cool i guess. and somehow, dancing with random strangers takes some stress off, cos its so dark, i dont think they really recognize me also. haha

im glad just to be brave enough to dance at a social for once. it's always the first dance that's scary. after that it doesn't seem so scary anymore.


although im a terrible student ):

i was supposed to go home and study, but yea.

There was a boy...
A very strange enchanted boy.
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea,
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he.

And then one day,
A magic day, he passed my way.
And while we spoke of many things,
Fools and kings,
This he said to me,
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return."

-moulin rouge

Consider the lilies of the field

I chanced upon a secret garden, a quiet Eden
In which a steady river flows.

My heart gladdens.

I have been searching for a long time
It has been a long long time…

I wearied of searching
I resigned myself to sitting in the dust

And now
It has unlocked itself and I am startled.
It’s always been just round the corner

It is scary
Dreams up close are a little frightening.

You are not in the garden now
I know not where you are
But that’s alright
I hear your voice from all around

I am safe
Protected, within these 4 walls
There’s no one here, just the sky above and I

That’s okay.
I shall lie down and sleep for a while
And consider the lilies of the field.

I'm home.

okay, people are starting to scare me.

i wake up in the morning (from a bad dream, may I add.

Let me talk abt my recent dreams first
i've been having plenty of really horrible tiring dreams.
in which im running like madddd cos the teachers are trying to kill me. lol i was so tired when i woke up, my heart was beating so fast. felt like i didnt sleep. haha

and yesterday i dreamt that everything was burning down, and i was trying to save baby blue my penguin. LOL. and everything was sooo smoky!!!! it was so yucks.

and i dreamt of getting attacked by crocodiles, scary fish, sharks. etc etc.

basically, lotsa dreams recently in which im in danger, so gotta keep jumping and running and i hate running. so even running in dreams is very tiring okay.


and continue...

and the first 2 ppl who talk to me didn't sleep at all the night before.

:0


why so scary!!!!!!!!


and i'm starting to get a rising lump in my throat.




but....

i will not be scared.

it is good to wait quietly for the Lord.

The Lord gives, the Lord takes away, the Lord will provide and if He does not, He is still sufficient for me.

I tried to be healthy today (:

look what i ate for dinner! (:


yummy pasta salad with zucchini and olives




and sushi!! <3




but then i got hungry and i ate a very oily but oh-so-good omelette and sausage and chocolate milk!!!! i've been craving milk, for some reason. i keep drinking soya bean milk these few days. haha



and this is actually just to practice my iphone picture taking skills (:

love!

Hearts break but they don't break even

my current favorite accessory broke ):

i haven't brought myself to throw it away yet ):

Dancing is poetry on legs.


these are my legs, they're not perfect but they're mine and i'm proud of them and i love them.

i'm always so critical of my own looks, i always find fault with something,i think it's time for some self love and time to be proud of who i am, and what I have and what i can do.

so let's start with the legs. (: i'm proud of them because without them, i can't dance, and i can't go shopping, and I can't climb stairs (although i don't like to), and i can't wear heels, and i can't see many things cos i'd be short.


plus i feel very artistic because of it. lol.

i feel very artistic recently. (:

“I became aware that our love was doomed; love had turned into a love affair with a beginning and an end. I could name the very moment when it had begun, and one day I knew I should be able to name the final hour. When she left the house I couldn't settle to work. I would reconstruct what we had said to each other; I would fan myself into anger or remorse. And all the time I knew I was forcing the pace. I was pushing, pushing the only thing I loved out of my life. As long as I could make believe that love lasted I was happy; I think I was even good to live with, and so love did last.


But if love had to die, I wanted it to die quickly. It was as though our love were a small creature caught in a trap and bleeding to death; I had to shut my eyes and wring its neck.”

― Graham Greene, The End of the Affair

Let me tell you what this funny boy said.


Him: -.-- hahaha
haha you know i'm super desperate

Me: Why


Him: i'm like watching janet sing fix you
with my computer muted
(Janet stands for some youtube singer btw)


HAHA, he refused to let me post it on fb so i'll post it here.

why so cute!!!!!! HAHAHAH

Amor, Pérdida, Anhelo- Love, Loss, Longing

Presenting the synopsis of the vwaltz rumba item :D


Amor, Pérdida, Anhelo

Entre lo que existe y lo que no existe,
el espacio es el amor.

De lejos te quiero mucho,
de cerca con más razón,
y si un día no te veo,
se me parte el corazón.

Entre rosas he nacido, entre espinas moriré,
pero a ti, amor mío, jamás te olvidaré.

Between that which exists and
that which does not
is the space called Love.

In the distance I love you,
close by with more reason,
and if I pass a day without seeing you,
my heart shall break.

Between roses I have been born, between thorns I will die,
but my love, I will never forget you.



we found that poem somewhere, and we came up with title and translated it all into spanish.

i think it sounds nice.


and there's many double meanings for us :/ its nice to put all of that on stage...

im really hoping and praying it'll turn out fine !!

but its getting exciting, we came up with the idea of what to do for vwaltz, and we cut and edited the songs!

we did that till 4am last night, then we fell asleep, and then woke at 12plus and continued to about 4pm. (:

haha


<3

summer tania and i are failed camwhores.

we wanted to take pictures of our yummy food, and we actually ordered 3 rounds of food.

but each time the food came, we forgot all abt photos, and we ate and ate and ate until there was no food to be photographed, then we remember. hahaha

so, sadly, tania and i didnt get to use our cameras. haha

i love girl outings (: (: (:

with girls, you can share main courses and order SUPER A LOT of dessert. hahaha

we only ordered 2 main courses to share between us, after which we decided we were full.

but then for dessert, we ordered mexican crepes, churros and ice cream

and then we headed to NYDC for ice cream mudpies. LOL

oh and we ate salsa chips haha


full of eating, and chit chatting, and love! :D

at the close of the day

before the curtains fall
the lights fall on you

and sketch an outline of your silhouette
drawing the contours of your face
in the same places my fingers used to trace



ah. but my fingers are no longer tightly clenched
you see, my heart has set you free

la dolce vita (:

milestone of my life: I AM BEING ALLOWED TO SHOP ONLINE!!!!!


haha. its a good and bad thing really.

but my mum has finally allowed me.. -after much apprehension and discussion of course- to have a paypal account.

hahaha, of course i still need to report everything i wanna buy before i actually buy it. but YES!!! (:


and i already bought 2 skirts. haha. that's why its a bad thing.



but yayyyyyy :D :D :D

and on sunday, i went to visit my little darlings at children's church (((: i missed them and their super tight hugs (:

fun things are coming up !!! (:


- NRA concert tmr, which i thought i wouldnt be going for, but guess i am! haha
- meeting to plan for dec trainings with michelle tmr before the concert (i consider dance meetings fun actually haha)
- planning for our dance camp! (:
- facial and lunch with mummy tmr
- girl's lunch date with summer n tania on sunday <3
- poland's national day reception n concert
- family dinner to celebrate my parent's anniversary (((:

studying seems to have lost its place in my life! hahah, oh no, im a terrible student!


i did something dumb this week btw. i went for lecture, and sat there with a handful of other blur souls for abt 10 minutes before we realised there's no lecture cos the lecturer is in UK.

so the next day, i didnt go to tutorial, thinking there wasnt tutorial since he's in UK ): turns out the Teaching assistant conducted tutorial instead. SIGH.

i am waiting
for what I do not yet know
waiting for more stories to unfold
for more springs and summers perhaps

but whilst i am waiting
quietly in the silence
i watch and listen and learn

the wind is an old friend
it gently curls around my ear
and envelops me fiercely in turn


and the falling autumn leaves
they are beautiful

so pretty
its a pity

they're for goodbyes.