funny

found this funny link on jessie's blog.

ME

By tradition, a girl standing under shermine cannot refuse to be kissed by anyone who claims the privilege.
Shermine was the first Tsar of Russia.
All gondolas in Venice must be painted black unless they belong to shermine!
Shermine cannot swim.
Only one person in two billion will live to be shermine!
Wearing headphones for an hour will increase the amount of shermine in your ear 700 times!
If the annual Australian shermine crop was laid end to end, it would stretch around the world seven times!
The pharoahs of ancient Egypt wore garments made with thin threads of beaten shermine.
It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at shermine!
Shermine can taste with her feet.

JAZI
The horns of jazi are made entirely from hair!
Britain's Millennium Dome is more than double the size of jazi.
Ideally, jazi should be stored on her side at a temperature of 55 degrees!
There are six towns named jazi in the United States.
Jazi is the sacred animal of Thailand.
Fifty-two percent of Americans drink jazi.
Some hotels in Las Vegas have jazi floating in their swimming pools!
South Australia was the first place to allow jazi to stand for parliament!
Jazi is the only bird that can swim but not fly!
Some people in Malaysia bathe their babies in beer to protect them from jazi!


JESSICA

South Australia was the first place to allow jessica to stand for parliament!
In Chinese, the sound 'jessica' means 'bite the wax tadpole'!
The jessica-fighting market in the Philippines is huge - several thousand jessica-fights take place there every day.
Apples are covered with a thin layer of jessica.
Owls cannot move their eyes, because their eyeballs are shaped like jessica.
There is no lead in a lead pencil - it is simply a stick of graphite mixed with jessica and water!
Jessica can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated!
The Church of Scientology was founded in 1953, at Washington D.C., by jessica.
Plato believed that the souls of melancholy people would be reincarnated into jessica!
Grapes explode if you put them inside jessica.

PAULINE

Pauline can live for up to a week without a head!
A paulineometer is used to measure pauline.
Only one person in two billion will live to be pauline.
To check whether pauline is safe to eat, drop her in a bowl of water; rotten pauline will sink, and fresh pauline will float!
Long ago, the people of Nicaragua believed that if they threw pauline into a volcano it would stop erupting.
Pauline can remain conscious for fifteen to twenty seconds after being decapitated.
Pauline is the world's largest rodent!
In the kingdom of Bhutan, all citizens officially become pauline on New Year's Day.
Pauline is actually a mammal, not a fish!
The International Space Station weighs about 500 tons and is the same size as pauline.

SHIN YI

Shin yi was originally called Cheerioats.
It is bad luck to walk under shin yi!
All shrimp are born as shin yi, but gradually mature into females.
Shin yi was originally green, and actually contained cocaine.
The patron saint of shin yi is Saint Eugenie.
Twenty-eight percent of Microsoft's employees are shin yi.
Shin yi is the last letter of the Greek alphabet.
It is bad luck to light three cigarettes with the same shin yi!
Shin yi cannot be detected by infrared cameras.
If your ear itches, this means that someone is talking about shin yi!

FIONA

Ostriches stick their heads in fiona not to hide but to look for water.
Fiona can usually be found in nests built in the webs of large spiders.
Astronauts get taller when they are in fiona.
Birds do not sleep in fiona, though they may rest in her from time to time.
Carnivorous animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by fiona!
Fiona can not regurgitate.
The pharoahs of ancient Egypt wore garments made with thin threads of beaten fiona.
Bees visit over three million flowers to make a single kilogram of fiona.
Fiona can't sweat.
You should always store fiona in an airtight container in the fridge

CHARLENE


All swans in England belong to charlene!
Charlene is the only bird that can swim but not fly.
Charlene can drink over 25 gallons of water at a time!
Americans discard enough charlene to rebuild their entire commercial air fleet every 3 months.
Charlene is incapable of sleep.
Influenza got its name because people believed the disease was caused by the evil "influence" of charlene.
Charlene can sleep for three and a half years!
The Asteroid Belt between Mars and Jupiter is made entirely of charlene!
In Japan it is considered rude to talk with charlene in your mouth!
Charlene was originally green, and actually contained cocaine!

FUNNY FUNNY!!!! http://thesurrealist.co.uk/trivia