wish upon a star

♥ be my valentine

2012-02-14T18:48:00.000-08:00

Vday post!!!

it was a double event for us, cos it's vday plus our first month anniversary.

and it was a realllllly sweet and amazing surprise.

so well planned and thought out, i was really touched.

we celebrated one day early cos of viva on tues

he came to meet me after school, and was really rushed. he promised we were just getting something first, we're coming back to change etc and then go for dinner.

so uh i believed him, and went out in shorts and slippers. haha

but then he cabbed us to raffles town club. and uh, i was all grumpy that i hadn't bathed etc.

and i didn't even bring my dress ):
and i wasnt wearing any jewellery.

but he brought out flowers, and a card, and earrings, and 2 dresses for me!!!

i felt like a princess. seriously.

*heart melted i think

and we went to dinner, went dancing at the social there, went to play 'spot the difference' at the arcade. hahah (:

the latin dancer cake i got for him :D

i made him a humongous card.

pretty things he got for me <3

picture at the lobby. where viva took pictures after my batch's first performance (:

i thought he looked cute with his elf ears so i took a shot. hahah, but i shouldnt laugh at his ears cos his eyes are twice the size of mine )))):

picture at the restaurant (:

close up shot. I LOVE FLOWERS <3 and i have never received 12 roses before, i kept looking at them and smelling them

Dinner at a japanese restaurant there (: i love taking photos of food.

we went for a walk all around RTC at night, so he took pictures for me (:

and gosh, at midnight, he surprised me againnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!
<3

i seriously 'awww-ed' SO MUCH at this. how cute is that. i love the message. in case u can't read it, it says 'i love you more than baby blue', who is my blue penguin, if u can't rmb (:

and on vday itself:

we had breakfast togther again (: so yummmmyyy

and then he accompanied me to centrepoint to do my IPL and go shopping

and we ate at 'everything with fries' before we went to training

okay, it was a really very nice date. superrrr nice.

<3

but just to qualify, the best part is the thought that someone would go to that extent to plan everything so well to create a perfect evening for me.

it's the first valentine's im spending with someone. and he wanted to make it special for me.

and anw, i think he looks really good in formal wear (: so handsome

2012-02-12T09:44:00.001-08:00

Hmm. i hope i dont make my friends angry by saying this.

but there's been this thread going around on fb. and it's just the sort of thing that I feel would make non-christians feel that christians are really not very smart or rational.

but sometimes i feel christians just repost everything that's 'christian' in nature

sure, i guess it's kinda sweet in a way. but i think it's not logical. and well, we dont get into accidents everyday. but people like me wake up late everyday. then how?

Okay the thread goes like this:

Wall Photos
Me: God, can I ask You a question?

God: Sure

Me: Promise You won't get mad
... ... ... ... ...
God: I promise

Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?

God: What do u mean?

Me: Well, I woke up late

God: Yes

Me: My car took forever to start

God: Okay

Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait

God: Huummm

Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call

God: All right

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?

God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

Me (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm Sorry God

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.

Me: I will trust You.

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...

REPOST if you Believe in HIM ♥
Worth posting.

Hmmmmmm. Well...

Instead of so many life and death situations,
couldnt it just be a case

OF A BAD DAY?

and why does God need to explain Himself for u waking up late anyway.

I think it is not very biblical to think that God caused us to wake up late etc.

Many a times, we create a lot of messes ourselves, and it has nothing to do with God. lol.

well, surprise surprise, but maybe we have some will of our own u know? As my pastor put it last time, God has given us some brains and common sense, and a conscience. and we do not need to pray and ask what to eat today, what to wear today.

God lets us choose!!!

and if we woke late, it might be that we chose to sleep late the night before, our sandwich dont get made, well, we could have chosen to eat something else, but we wanted to queue for the sandwich

and God is not at fault for us waking up late, or losing our job, or getting sick, or losing someone dear

and He does not need to explain Himself

and this post seems to suggest that to be a good God, He needs a specific reason for every single thing that happens to us in our life.

ok la, i dunno if i make sense or not. but i just got rather annoyed that God is portrayed to have to explain Himself to us.

and over such little things.

I would think He'd respond by pointing out if we noticed the beautiful sunset today, or the stars He put in the sky.

I dunno. i thought God would always respond by countering a negative spirit with one of praise for things greater than ourselves and our situations.

after all, in the scheme of things and heaven, how big is an unmade sandwich or a car that won't start?

I dunno. at least thats how the God I know ministers to me when I am down and sad. He never focuses on my situation. He always takes me outside of it, and in the light of His glory, all else fades away.

so, based on how you know God personally, how do you think He'd respond to life's little gripes? haha (:

maybe the reason im so upset and disturbed is cos the God that's in the fb post doesnt sound like God i know :/

like reading about your best friend responding in a way you dont think sounds like her.

it's a confusing world. we need to really know God, and not just about God. :/

well i hope i dont have a major flaw in my thinking :/

it is 2 am now. hahah

2012-02-10T08:32:00.001-08:00

Just let me run where I want to run

Just let me love who I want.

DP this year was really good. but it was a pretty heavy emotional theme, and i wasn't exactly prepared for such a heavy concert.

:/

i was particularly disturbed by this particular scene. there's this girl working as a social escort with extra services, and her dad just died and she is in some hotel with her client. and she dreams of her dad.

and she dreams about dancing and picking flowers with him, and he's twirling her around.

and so at the end of the dance, there're two girls in the two spotlights:

one is her in a simple pretty red dress running around in meadows, looking really innocent and fresh and hopeful that her dad will come back for her

and there's her now, in a long red dress lying in some hotel, smoking cigarettes, she's thinner, and has sharper features, she's jaded, and tired.

it's a stark contrast huh. it's a long fall from grace...

anyway. on a light silly note. i miss having long flippy hair. my hair is curled and set most of the time now, so it doesnt fly and flip haha.

flippy hair is good for dancing. it's called haireography.

:D

can't wait for cactus to be over.

and enough of my emotional nonsense.

i need to pull myself together fast if i intend to get through this sem decently.

need to study and need to find time to prac for dance.

comp and exams are all coming soon, and i don't want to be a disappointment.
no time to think of sad things or anything else.

i've wasted too much time being injured already!!!

We can do it shermsss <3

*with baby blue :D

2012-02-08T19:03:00.000-08:00

gosh. tired.

everyone's having mid sem crisis.

everyone has tons of work undone, cca obligations that are sucking up so much time, countless proj meetings and deadlines etc. haha

in short, we're all at the time of the sem where we're starting to die!!!

its scary that im turning 21 soon.

in a couple of years. i'll be living on my own, working, maybe getting married.

it's kinda scary.

in the past when i got all confused, i'd comfort myself and brush away thoughts by saying i dont really need to care at this point of my life cos im too young.

but i'm not thatttt young anymore. still young :D but old enough to start thinking abt the future a bit more seriously.

i hope i actually figure out what i want. and make less bad decisions.

):

anw. my room is crazyyy messy. seriously the whole place is so messy, i can't even stand in front of my mirror cos there are too many bags of costumes and stuff cluttering the floor. haha

can't wait till cactus is over. its such a disaster currently, i really pray it will be decent.

and well...

dont think so much (:

and i love summerr (:

2012-02-06T08:52:00.001-08:00

i'd almost forgetten your voice.

2012-02-05T10:40:00.000-08:00

im so sleepy and trying to stay awake for a group discussion. so digging out photos to talk about.

love this. (: which reminds us of our commitment to purity. we want to be in love with God firsttttt then each other. <3

i call eldon 'multi talented day and night'

in the day time, during training, he's mario, my dance champion

at night, after training, he's maria my maid. he buys breakfast, does my shopping, dries my hair, pack my things, carry my bag.

so multi-talented day and night :D

this morning, i woke up at 8am for pancakes delivery service. how sweet, no? <3

me in my operating theatre gown!

just had my first op ever!!!

so exciting i tell you.

finally removed the pain in my butt, a cyst that has been giving me much grief over the past month.

it looked like a small prawn when removed btw, cos it was all bloody and stuff. i asked if i could take it home. but they wouldnt let me.

anw, the injections were super painful. but then it was quite cool that afterwards, they were cutting away at my butt and i didnt feel anything.

until the doctor poked this part that hurt and i yelped.

and he said 'oh there no anaesthetia yet hor'

i believe that i whimpered at that point in time.

anw im surprised the operating bed is so narrow. i think a big sized person would roll right off.

and i kept tapping my feet to music in the operating room, until the surgeon said i had to change position cos i keep moving, and they strapped me down ):

and there was a lot of blood!!!

they wrapped my head under blankeys, but i peeped after the operation. haha.

anw, i was well taken care of by mummy and eldon (:

i just lay on one side and got fed twister fries and koi.

everytime i talk too much and whine too much, eldon would feed me another fry to keep me quiet. lol.

and carin came to see me and she brought me cake (:

<3

okay, abrupt ending. but group meeting over, im going to sleep! its 3 am ))):

2012-01-31T19:41:00.000-08:00

i finally get a day off to myself and so i happily wake at 12pm. haha

before i plunge headfirst into the mound of readings and work that has been accumulating, i shall update photos!

bought a groupon and went to tastings rooms with altron for lunch (:
i do love trying new places to eat. (:

bruschetta with tomato and mozzarella gratin

mushroom soup with truffle oil. it was seriously very very good!!!

the serve a little soup in a huge white plate. i was pretty convinced it's used to intimidate ppl on dates, cos they would be paranoid if they dripped soup on the corners of the white round rim.

i think i only ate the chicken and about 10 strands of noodles. too full.

earl grey creme brulee and banana cake (:

altron and truffle fries (:

2012-01-27T17:36:00.001-08:00

went to salsa social yesterday with some of the viva people (:

during the performance, summer and i were swooning over the hot guys who all have nice muscles and relatively broad shoulders.

but we couldnt social much, so after a bit, some of them went to eat tau huay, some went home.

so eldon and i decided to go to Le Danz, cos there was a latin social that night.

the cover charge is really not very cheap, it's $38 per head inclusive of 2 drinks.
eldon treated me though.

anyway, i digress a little:
in fact, i think i am a super super pampered girlfriend. he practically does everything for me.

like after trainings, he will come round to shower at my hostel before heading home. and he will boil water for me, clear my rubbish, sometimes even mop the floor for me (actually, he also bought the mop for me)

he stocks up my food supply in hall for me to the max. i always have food and cereals and drinks etc now.

okay, listing things like that out make me feel a bit too spoilt :/

cos the only nice thing i did was to wash his dance pants for him and blowdry it.

i will do my own house keeping later :/

where did i find a boy like that? <3

ok, anyway, we were quite pleasantly surprised that due to an external party that day, Le Danz was completely empty :D

means we could choose our music, have the whole place to prac and have like 4 people waiting on the two of us. haha

and it was really a nice and big floor! (:

so we trained for a bit, and unfortunately i had like 3 cocktails, and i got a little tipsy cos im bad with alcohol. and i couldnt spin properly anymore, so i was super off balance and couldnt train properly. haha

but anyway, it was real fun (:

lovelove!

This is when these little things start. ❤

2012-01-25T08:56:00.000-08:00

Tossed in the raging tempest
My heart, fragile as glass, unyielding as steel
Emotions fly with the wind

Little sighs
Too tired to try.

This is when these little things start.
Goodnight sweetheart.

2012-01-24T18:20:00.001-08:00

Judging someone does not reveal who they are, it reveals what you are.

i really like that quote! i think it's really true.

i'm almost done with reading my proverbs, and i think it's really nice that all these supposedly laws and rules are actually really all for our benefit, and to keep us out of trouble.

and i started on my names of God book today as well.

today i learnt about Elohim: God the creator.

actually, thinking about it, it's really cool that God creates. that's unique to God, because no one else can create something from nothing.

God is not constrained by anything. how wonderful is that.

(: i love Him (:

and the best thing is He loved me first!

2012-01-24T09:08:00.000-08:00

eldon played for cell prayer meeting (: awesome boy (:

dinner at ricciotti because it was eldon's birthdayyy (: i loved the pasta! and the super yummy wedges!!

drinks afterwards at clarke quay (:

i made him a card which i was rather proud of (: i was a little enthusiastic about the ribboning though

presents i bought my boy

cake (:

dinner with the gymmers (: nice catch up session with them too!

i took a pic of this cos i think the star shaped egg is super cute

eldon n i bought 2 pints of ice cream to gobble! <3 it was super yummy (: i love doing simple silly things like that with him (: it makes me happy

dinner at over time (:

2012-01-20T09:35:00.000-08:00

was supposed to have mexican with eldon today, but the queue was way toooo long!

So we ended up at a nice pub called over time.

iphone is a distracting technology :/ he keeps playing with his forex stuff and not talk to me. hahah

he doesn't drink. but i wanted a bit :D

i think he looks cute here (:

okay, he doesn't like it at all. notice he already switched drinks cos cosmo has a stronger alcoholic taste.

i think timbre has a better cocktail.

he's finished! (: he actually was wincing and all after finishing it, but i made him smile and pose haha

this is seriously a good spring roll. eldon gave me 3 out of 4 of the springrolls on the plate cos i liked them (: such a sweetheart (:

lovelove!!!

2012-01-15T05:18:00.000-08:00

comps are really tiring to the max.

and both of us are injured. He's injured his arm and toe, and i've sprained a finger, overstretched one leg and have a pain in my butt (literally)

i need a minor surgery to remove the growth there.

i was really unlucky cos someone hit me by accident and hit my injured spot. so now it's even more inflamed and painful. :/

but it's okay, i loved dancing with eldon, and he takes such good care of me all the time. (:

eldon sweated so muchhh that his number tag kept crumbling, until the last part where we borrowed someone's plastic bag. lol

all thanks to him <3

2012-01-12T22:10:00.000-08:00

okay, i am seriously nervous.

alice sent me the program line up, plus all the rules etc.

and my stomach started churning and butterflies were flying everywhere. my hands are cold, and my feet are cold too.

im really lousy -.-

anyway, i printed out the program line up.

and there are SO MANY ROUNDS )))))):

whyyyyyyyy

and partner said he hasnt yet had the experience of not making it to the second round at least, and he was teasing me that he'd put that as his facebook status if we don't

anw i smacked him of course. but he's solid rock and i fell down instead.

))):

okay, i thought talking nonsense would release my stress, BUT IM STILL SCARED.

im typing super fast, the way i start talking like a bullet train in presentations when im nervous.

once in a while i need to search for some inspiring dance photos.

2012-01-12T20:47:00.000-08:00

this is so beautiful, i really love it. i love the long lines from both of them.

this is super pretty too. i think i love pictures with girls with skinny long legs

this is why guy dancers are amazing!!! strength in motion !

delicate

ahh, so pretty (: it makes me happy to look at these pictures. i especially like the first one, cos it kinda looks like one of my rumba poses. too bad i can't balance en pointe in latin shoes.

and i liked the feel of the first picture, its as though she was going to float and drift away on her tippy toes, but the man is asking her to please stay.

2012-01-11T17:56:00.000-08:00

i'm getting so happy in singapore, i'm getting more and more sad about having to go away on exchange.

i'm so lame i can't stand it sometimes. i'm the one who wanted so badly to go away on exchange, and now that i've got it, i don't really think i wanna go. haha

i just can't help thinking, that if i stayed in singapore:

1. viva wouldn't be in so much trouble, cos at least i'd be around to help out until they can find another person to take over

2. my partnership wouldn't be slowed down/ in trouble

3. i could have secured a place in campus residence for myself (they didn't accept half year applications)

4. can help my sis with her stressful A level uni decisions and applications

5. have my mummy to look after me

the best thing about going to nz though, is that i get to take 20mcs of credit that are ungraded!!
i need my cap to stop dropping so that's probs a good thing haha

3 more days to TDA! we got good comments from our teachers yest, so i feel a bit better.

was so nervous after dancing our first round, cos she sternly walked over to us and gave us a look. i was holding my breath while waiting for her comments. haha

God, please don't let me do anything stupid on the floor on sunday. i don't wanna disappoint my teachers, my partner, and viva!!

until sunday i'm living, breathing dance all day longggg. i love it!

2012-01-10T22:00:00.000-08:00

omgoshomgoshomgoshomgoshomgosh.

TDA is sundayyyyyy. i think im going to faint.

so much for being a brave girl. im super super stressed.

cos everytime we prac, everyone is observing us. and i shiver, and my hands turn cold, and my feet stop staying on balance. it's terrible.

and no one even cares what im dancing, cos, according to ppl around me, my partner is 'scarily good!'

):

and he's so energetic and hardworking that he improves really fast. my friends said i will kill myself trying to catch up.

okay, nevermind. ): just be a thick skinned person, and do what i can on sunday. ):

going to AnA later!!! i'm scared they will scold meeee. hahha, im going to eat a cheese waffle later to calm myself down later (:

but. even though i sound so stressed, do i really mind having a partner who's levels above me?

HAHA, of course not :D
it's awesome cos his dancing looks wonderful to me, and i have someone to inspire me to work hard. haha

except when im very stressed. and him dancing wonderfully there by himself, makes me feel like he should just do solo and no one would realise any difference.

in fact, he calls our routine 'spot the difference'. cos my time steps and checks and whatever steps look like crap next to his. :/

and picking up ballroom is really really tough work! it's like learning to walk all over again. ):

dancing is hard work man.

how am i supposed to have time to study ?? hahah

i think i'll try defying gravity

2012-01-09T08:20:00.001-08:00

my ex partner is currently not very happy with me.

because i told him it's awkward for everyone when he calls me partner still in front of everyone.

i told him it doesnt make sense anymore and he lectured me about not knowing the power of names. ):

i really hate how he treats me like i have no brains sometimes. and hate how he's really seems to be taking all these like a relationship breakup.

he even told me that we should have decided whether or not to keep calling each other partner 3 weeks back. and i was thinking 'wow, he even kept track of the date? i wasnt counting how far back that was, oops.'

but can't say i blame him. just wish it wasn't like that.

why are my dance partnerships all complicated. WHY. ):

anyway, super tired from dance camp!!!

but it was fun! i wish i had a dance school, whereby we just dance and eat!!

and carin is an amazing girl, she doesn't need to eat, doesn't need to sleep, and she stayed up till about 7am having HTHT with me, and she could still dance and teach perfectly well the next day. whereas i completely died. and during standard lesson, i was seriously not present anymore, whenever we went into close hold, i'd just close my eyes and step around, and dont care where we go. lol. and i have these terrible dark circles when i dont sleep, whereas she still looks cute and perfectly normal. WHY. haha <3 her.

moving back to hall tmr! gonna miss having my mummy look after me, tuck me in and kiss me goodnight sometimes, but gonna love being able to do whatever i want, stay out late and dance as much as i like without worrying that she'll worry. haha

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
Too long I've been afraid of losing love
I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

2012-01-05T08:41:00.000-08:00

wicked was awesome! (:

a wonderful way to end my holidays before school, and a super sweet treat by my partner.

i was supposed to be surprised.

but okay, a combination of me being smart, and him being a really bad liar, made me know that he was taking me to wicked wayyy in advance.

he contradicted himself okay. first he told me it's all settled and i HAVE to make it, cos he can't cancel it.
and then, another time, he was telling me it's just dinner and that he hasn't decided where to take me.

so yeaps. he can't lie very well. and i didn't feel like acting dumb. lol.

so he said i'm going to die at dance tmr because i didn't practice for 8 days, and he is going to make me train my jive kicks also ):

but i told him, that actually, if he can make me a better dancer in a short few months, i should be the one treating him. hahaha i'd pay for intensive training if it's effective man.

haha, but yes, anyway, it was seriously sweet of him. i was touched, and wicked was so nice!! i love the songs!! ((: i love musicals!

i remember after watching les mis,i had the blues for weekss!!!

sushi express (:

super yummy miso soup

he was pretending to be asking me how to book tickets, and suggesting we should watch it in future. and i was rolling my eyes in my head, and thinking this picture would make for a good photo for my blog later. HAHA. oops sorry.

he got me smarties!! (:

mickey mouse partner. lollll

:D

thank you (: so much!!!

2012-01-05T00:15:00.000-08:00

Was packing camp stuff, realised i have at least a few hundred pins, and a lot of spare lipglosses, lipsticks in all sorts of shades, other makeup, eyelashes etc.

Realised that i have been stocking up since i always need these stuff.

So what am i gonna do one day when i'm done with dance )):

Im going to be really sad.

I only have 6 mths before everything changes ): my best girlfriends in dance are all graduating,

Im leaving.

And i dunno what's gonna happen after that.

It's okay. ):

But i just hope that nothing else changes within the next 6 mths, and i can really enjoy my dance life!!
With my girls, and partner and all my friends );

So for the next 6 mths, i hope i can just happily continue buying eyelashes when i see cheap ones, and be able to tell myself that i still need them. Dont wanna think abt leaving yet

Okie, gonna meet the partner now!!

Lovelove!

love is...

2012-01-04T11:55:00.000-08:00

okay i totally copied this off angelina's blog. but... too cute not to share!!

“When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.” – Billy, age 4

“Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.” – Noelle, age 7

“Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Brad Pitt.” – Chris, age 7

“Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.” – Mary Ann, age 4

“You really shouldn’t say ‘I love you’ unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.” – Jessica, age 8

FULL LINK HERE:
http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/1AJ57C/bluecentric.com/?p=26948

i'm home :D

2012-01-04T09:35:00.000-08:00

I'm back from HK (: lovely trip with friends and the annoying sis. haha :D photo heavy post! i spent so much time adding the pics in!

abt 3-4 hours on the boat! so cold!!!

dead puppy washed up on the beach ): i whatsapped this pic to shaun, he said its depressing.

uncle albert eating the WHOLE bowl of porridge! super fresh peanuts!

perched on the rock (:

love this photo of my sis! looks like it comes out of the ji mi book :D

i insisted on having a solo photo with the rocks cos im a proud geog student :D

jessie the supermodel haha

we're so tired!!!

DISNEYLAND :D i think i might make a pretty good dance photographer! look i captured the hawaiian dancer with a big bright smile!!

our exciting basketball games!!!

HAHAHA Look at them!!! play until so stressed and pained!!!

I'm too lazyyyy to label all the food individually! but here they are!!! EAT YOUR HEARTS OUT!!!! hahahaha

Would you know my name, if i saw you in heaven

2012-01-01T05:12:00.001-08:00

Im goin to perm my hair for the third time in abt 4 mths!!!

I hope it stays this time! N that my hair doesnt get too damaged!

N cold weather makes me really inactive, n i dont even feel like moving let alone dancing.

I just wanna curl up and take a nap, all the time!!!!!

N cold weather makes me all touchy feely, i love to touch the furry scarfs n woolly sweaters, and i was playin with a baby's soft n tiny fingers today(: sooo cute, she would grasp my finger with her tiny hands everytime i tickled her palm (: love kids (:

And random fact: i love smarties!!! Much more than m&ms!!!! But there arent really smarties in singapore ): so i just eat m&ms anyway
Just like how i really love white roses, but no one gives white roses cos its just not done. So i end up liking red roses too haha

And cold weather really dries skin!!! I had to get a friend to make an emergency appt with my facialist for me the day after im reaching home. The facialist is surely gonna scold me for my dry skin ):

Oh!!! But i bought elle sunglasses at 40% off todayy!!!! ((: from 200 plus sing dollars to 100 plus!!! Totally thrilled with it :D

Plus black boots with nice trimming ! And a white overcoat with super soft faux fur collar ! Love it! Plus pretty scarfs n leg warmers!!

Just need to find a red trenchcoat n im set for NZ! ((:

I will make sure i have a decent wardrobe even in the middle of winterrrr

Anyway, my friend's mummy has been cookin so much good food!!!! So yummy!!

And this post abt all things superficial must have been inspired by my watching of mean girls 2 just now.

Tsk me.

Loveee <3

Happy new year!!! And happy birthday mummy (:

2011-12-31T06:18:00.000-08:00

Im blogging from my iphone!! I love iphone! Haha

But though its inconvenient, of course i gotta do a new year post! (:

Hmm this year has been wonderful. But bittersweet.

Sadly i cant upload photos on iphone. So i shall do another photo post another time. But anyway...

Started dancing a lot this yearrr, havent regretted it!!! ((:

And I spent a summer with puppy.

Prob one of the major stories of 2011... I met a cute puppy. We were happy for a while, and i guess we died haha. But well, we have pretty memories of each other, and we're both still happy. So i guess everything's good. Yeppss... (: Dont regret much, except that i grouchily refused to dance a last waltz with him. Oh well (: loved lots learnt lots (:

I have tons of wonderful dance girlfriends this year!!!! Super love them to bits!!! Love doing girly stuff, talking abt boys -oops- haha, shopping, doing nails, hair, eating and dancing together (((: i love my dearest carin, summer n tania!

Thanks to everyone who made even one day of 2011 special for me.
And a special thanks to those who have been there from the very start (:

of course lots of love to my 4 Js : Jesus, jess, jazi n josh

And love too to angelina, n to my dear neighbours in hall!! They're the rare friends i have outside of dance, and its wonderful to have them (:
And to Ex partner, thanks for dancing 2011 with me, i really do appreciate it, n i did have fun (:

To new partner, 2012 belongs to us! ((: i will treasure u, promise (:

And To puppy, thanks for teaching me so much, thanks for loving me, n thanks for making a silly kitten grow up. I hope u will always be happy like u are now (:

Yupsss. Anw we made new year resolutions in cell group.

I wrote:

For 2012, i want to love wisely.

It would be nice if my heart listened to my head for once in my life.

But deep inside i think i know i might nt keep it haha.

Cos i also feel that... Its best to love wisely, no doubt. But to love foolishly is better than not
To have loved at all.

Lovelove friends! Happy new year from
Hong kong!!

Will have very heavy photoposts once im back and have access to my lappy to upload photos!!

2011-12-27T22:43:00.000-08:00

am in hk!!!

recuperating from plane hair !!!

i spent the whole ride squished between 2 sneezing ppl. i think they're allergic to me. hahaha

and the first thing i did was to forget to take my passport at the check in counter. luckily they called me back.

and we were late, so ran all the way to the gate!!

i dont think i like plane rides much.

anw, glad we're here, ate so much already!!

i feel guilty!

i should be training, not eatingggg!!!!!!!!!

lovelove

2011-12-27T09:24:00.000-08:00

oh gosh, im so sleepy i keep yawning, but i got so much to do!!!

i couldnt find my passport just now, but my mum said she wont let me go for dance if i didnt find it, so yea, i scoured the place for it!

and i realised my SEP documents are DUE TMR!!!!!!!
GOSHHHHH

:/

have to trouble my parents to settle it for me. would be a joke if i cant go cos i forget to submit stuff. it's something only jess would do. hahah

i had to write a list of instructions on where to collect what and submit what :/

i feel so bad :/

and gosh, flying off in a bit!!

OH and cos i have no baggage allowance, i can't bring metals, which means no razor !
hahaha
imagine not shaving for days. oh gosh. haha, but is okay, i guess i can get disposable ones there (:

ok, try not to miss me too much friends!

loveloveee

2011-12-26T19:55:00.000-08:00

Hi, my name is baby blue, i am shermine's favorite baby penguin (:

she is going to hong kong very soon with her annoying sister, but too bad her luggage is too full of clothes so i can't go with her ):

but shermine says it is a good thing that i'm not going, otherwise i would eat too much dim sum and become a fat penguin. and then i wouldn't be able to be a dancing penguin anymore.

i think shermine is quite worried for dance, because she is going to miss 8 full days of training!

but it is okay, because i will be there on both her comp days to cheer her on! (:

and i will think she's the best even if she messes up all her time steps, cha cha locks or head flicks!

i can't believe she forgot to bring me to watch her on sunny low comp. hmph.

this morning, while i was cuddled up under the blankeys with shermine, her mummy came in and said to her, "why don't u bring that penguin to new zealand and leave her there? return her to her homeland."

and both shermine and I were quite horrified!!! leave me there??? oh no!!! luckily shermine spoke up for me and said, "of course not! in fact i was intending to bring some of her friends back with me!!!"

so friends, u haven't seen the last of me yet! (:

p.s shermine's mother is quite angry with her because she wanted to bring heels to hk. because her aunty shoes broke ): haha, so shermine better be a good girl today, and quickly pack her luggage!

much love from baby blue!
<3

2011-12-26T09:50:00.000-08:00

i love going out with the girls. (:

always lots to talk about, even if we've seen each other the day before (:

dinner at soup spoon. ever since the disastrous date at soup spoon, i've kinda avoided it for a bit. but it's still yummy (:

the girls (:

all our food! they didn't finish half of it

my pretty friend and me (: we were having a very romantic time sitting in a basket and chit chatting, and then suddenly, the place was swarmed with people ): hahah

my outfit for the day! i love it cos i'm super tall on my 5 inch heels (:

then we headed over to kim's party. (:

yups, and i can't believe im going to hk tmr! there isn't the feel of holidaying yet. haha

anyway, i suddenly remembered this line i copied down in my diary a long time ago.

"If somebody loves you, won't they always love you?"

and someone replied

"i'm going to say yes, because you seem sad"

2011-12-25T09:10:00.000-08:00

i like this photo cos my skirt looks great flying haha

why is my bro so funny. seriously love that boy.

Bro was wearing his 'I love you more than fried chicken' shirt, but although he's so handsome, he refused to let me take a photo of his handsome face because he's worried that all the girls will chase him. i agreed with his serious concerns. so he gave me a 'talk to the hand' photo.

sister has a bruise and wound from being stabbed in the knee by some guy in her fencing team, and i have a matching one from being dropped on the floor by partner! hahaha

dinner after training at mr curry (:

why all the boys so camera shyyyy haha

super yummy rice!! i had minced beef with potato and he had tomato and cheese. but actually i think they taste the same.

the partner!

DESSERTS :D

i'm looking for a man with a golden heart

2011-12-24T08:37:00.001-08:00

because these things are so confusing, i decided to write them all out. so that i can see them in writing, and i won't get swayed or sidetracked.

A man's eyes are most beautiful when they are not focused on me alone, but rather, see the needs of those around him.

His words are of most value not when they're whispering sweet nothings, but when he is encourages and affirms those around him

His shoulders the strongest and manliest when he helps to bear the burdens of the downtrodden and weak.

His voice the sweetest when he speaks with thought and gentleness, even when speaking with the foolish.

His heart the most precious when it has space and love even for the unlovable.

i'm not looking for perfection, but i do want someone who has a big heart for people, even for people who are not lovely all the time.

it's not a pre requisite to have an untainted past, but I do want someone who has the humility and strength to rise again every time he falls, and to always repent and come running quickly back to God no matter what he has done wrong.

I want someone who has a strong relationship with God that is separate from his relationship with me.

I want someone whose decisions and thoughts are influenced by God's heart

I want someone whose heart bleeds when God is sad, and rejoices in God's delights.

I want someone whose thoughts and concerns are bigger than himself, that he would be ready to give himself for others, because he knows that they are precious to the Lord.

I want someone who is willing to wait, and willing to step back from showing affection or interest, if it is not in my best interests to do so, or if it is the wrong phase of my life, and would cause a stumbling block to me in my walk with God.

I want someone who trusts that the Lord has perfect timing, and will trust that the Lord knows what is best for him, and is willing to accept and understand that the best person for him, might not be me, even if that's how he feels at this point of time.

I want someone who would be willing to give me up if it is the Lord's will that he does so.

I want someone... someone who loves God more than he loves me.

i think some of it sounds a bit radical. but well, i want someone who loves God radically.

ah. but to win a man like that, i need to be a woman like that. i have a long long long way to go. perhaps thats why i haven't him yet. perhaps he is still in the process of making as well, just like i am.

well for a man like that, i'll wait, and as i wait, i want to be constantly molded more and more into a woman like that as well.

and then hopefully, someday we'll find each other.

until then, i will guard my heart well, and will not let it be compromised or sidetracked anymore.

what is my heart made of?

2011-12-23T19:50:00.000-08:00

The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests the heart.
- Proverbs 17: 3

what is my heart made of?

I had a really really really nice time with jess buddy at lunch that day. so engrossed talking to her i forgot to take photos. haha

it's wonderful how we feel the same abt the same issues, and its good to know she's such a solid rock in Christ.

because when i think im about to make wrong decisions, sometimes i will think about how she will react if i told her. and yea. imagining her reactions is really quite a strong influence in some of my decision making. hahah.

anw, as i was telling her. i always pray that God will make my heart a bit bigger everyday to help me accommodate and love more people, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

but recently, i thought abt it, and i realised discernment and wisdom is just as important. because a lot of the time, the road to destruction is paved with the best of intentions. so i've been reading a lot of proverbs recently, and really thinking about it.

anyway, what i found out is, that the number one sin is PRIDE!

oh no! ):

but anyway, one other cool thing i found out, is that so far, God only talks about what sins He hates, but not one time did God say He hates the sinner.

I found that comforting.

so yes, i've been asking myself. what is my heart made of? ):

having buddy around sometimes helps. once i was going on and on about how critical and judgmental some of the dancers are. and jess gave me a funny look. and i realized that oh dear, i'm JUST THE SAME.

it's quite a slap in the face to realise that actually. and quite embarrassing. but yea, isnt it good that i have a buddy to point it out? (:

and yupss, sometimes while shopping for costumes etc, us senior girls tend to keep criticizing our dear juniors. but really, we shouldnt be mean girls ):

Dear Lord, make my heart soft, loving, and forgiving. Lord, give me wisdom to know how to draw fine lines, and how best to love and encourage.

Lord, I still want to be set apart for You. and I pray that when people interact or work with me, that I will love them unconditionally like You do, and that hopefully, they will see a bit of You too.

and yet, at the same time, Lord, I pray that You will guard my heart closely.

A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that he has to find Christ's heart first in order to find hers.

of course, the same is true of a woman. I should have to find Christ's heart first, in order to find the heart of a man of God.

haha sigh, these things are tough. God give me wisdom please.

sometimes i do get discouraged too. haha, n i wish jess buddy was there with me.

Another nice quote by Max Lucado:

“He saw you cast into a river of life you didn't request. He saw you betrayed by those you love. He saw you with a body that gets sick and a heart that grows weak. He saw you in your own garden of gnarled trees and sleeping friends. He saw you staring into the pit of your own failures and the mouth of your own grave. He saw you in your own garden of Gethsemane and he didn't want you to be alone ... He would rather go to hell for you than to heaven without you.”

2011-12-21T21:14:00.000-08:00

Current favourite rumba song (:

"Calling"

The sun is going down on me
As she surrenders to the sea
So steal the night and fly with me
I'm calling, I'm calling

The moon is high on me and you
Is my message breaking through?
Darkened skies that once were blue are falling
So hear me now

Calling out your name
Burning on the flame
Played the waiting game
Hear my calling
Hear my calling

2011-12-21T09:31:00.000-08:00

update: partner is STILL practising the steps at home at 1.30 am in the morning. that guy has no energy limitations.

what is that!?!?! why can't he give me even a fraction of that energy!!!!

:0

i would prac too, but my feet are burningggg

im so happy (:

2011-12-21T08:51:00.000-08:00

super tired!

8 hours of dancing today!

feet are aching like mad from standing in heels all day! even my energizer bunny partner was kinda tired after 11pm. lol. so obviously, if he's tired, im really drained. haha

but totally worth it! we took double lesson today, and we completed both our cha and rumba routines for tda.

and the routines are both really nice (: our favourite bits and pieces of both our old routines fused together and smoothed out (:

partner is obviously awesome, and i think in time to come my teachers will love him more than me. lol. they keep telling me good stuff about him, and telling me how to improve. lol. im supposed to work to match his speed, body rhythm, and a whole lot of other things la. aiyo.

but is okay, i love watching him dance, n i love dancing with him too. and im very proud to have him beside me.

he's a great dancer, and he's also really fun to dance with in the sense that he doesnt try to stress me out, and is always willing to go over steps again and again to help me out (: and most importantly, he makes me feel that he likes dancing with me too (:

im really lucky and i know it already (:
but everyone feels a need to remind me all the time anyway. haha many ppl have been asking me where i found a guy like that, and telling me they want one too.

oh, and when my performance team teacher found out ex partner n i arent dancing together anymore, she was really shocked, and she kinda shouted 'I BEG YOUR PARDON?' and i was quite stunned by her reaction too. and she got more shocked to realise that im dancing with my new partner, and even more shocked that he's gonna be my regular partner and its not just for one comp. haha.

oh well i will work harder so one day ppl will stop being shocked that he would dance with me!!!

and yea, i used to think i'm easily embarrassed. but looks like this time, i have super thick skin, and it doesn't really affect me much! if anything, im just more determined to dance more!!!

and if it turns out it's over too fast
i'll make every last moment last
as long as you're mine.

2011-12-20T10:46:00.001-08:00

"I want somebody to sleep with for the rest of my life and cuddle up with during a movie on the couch. Stay up all night talking about nothing. Get lost in the woods together. Challenge me, challenge him. Talk about dreams, make dreams. Have fight, the kind that only really matter just as long as you’re having them. Someone I can wrestle with, you know, play hard sometimes and not worry about breaking a nail or an arm. A guy who will bring me flowers once in awhile, maybe a rock too or a shell of some sort. Something he saw that made him think of me, made him think “this might make my girl smile” as he smiles to himself. A guy who wants me, maybe even needs me, just a little, enough to hold onto me with everything he’s got."

its official.

2011-12-19T21:44:00.000-08:00

results were out todayyy!

they were not fab at all, but well, decent enough to get by. haha. i actually had some As, but too bad i got a C for one of my mods, which totally pulled everything down. so oh well. haha

most ppl arnd me seem happy enough with their grades as well, so everything is good (: another sem is over, and life goes on :D

anyway, i'm really happyyyy :D

and excited (:

because i finally have a new partner for latin!!!

((((((((((((((((((((:

i was really happy, and i couldnt sleep.

and today, all the official informing of teachers and ex partners is finally done on both sides, and my new partner is all mine now! :D

actually i think my teacher is kinda happy. and most of my friends are really encouraging.

only my sis is real wet blanket and grumps and sighs around the house, and keeps telling me i'll get dumped. haha

well, its not like i havent considered that possibility. i'm as keenly aware as everyone else that my new partner is trading down.

but, i'm willing to take a chance on him!

and even if he does dump me in future, i dont really have much to lose.

because ex partner n i havent been dancing well, and i was intending to break it soon anyway

but yupsss, i have to work really hard to match my new partner one day!!

but still. i owe my ex partner a huge thank you. without him i wouldnt have started dancing competitively at all.

TDA would have been one full year of partnership, but i decided that dancing TDA together would kinda be a waste of everyone's time. so yupss. we're not dancing together.

16 Jan 2011- 19 Dec 2011

*i can't believe i've only danced seriously for abt 11 months?!?! it seems like forever!!

and for now, new partner and i will be working really hard! and we'll see everyone at TDA! (:

lovelove

dinner with captain america

2011-12-19T08:00:00.000-08:00

cha cha cha restaurant! my favourite mexican restaurant ever!

this boy was watching tom n jerry the whole dinner! he said they were more attractive than me. -.-

salsa chipsss

Flautas! so yummy (:

CHURROS :D :D :D

bro so handsome. captain america shirt.

cold rock ice cream (:

my present to bro before he's going away to australiaaaa :D we will do something together that we have not done together before! (:

we are TWO BROS :D hahaha

thank you ♥

2011-12-18T09:31:00.000-08:00

Oh I'm a dreamer,
though my head is the clouds
i keep believin'
they really do come true,

We'll rise and fall like the waves upon the ocean,
if you take me in your arms.
So please, please will you dance with me?

im so happy i could cry

2011-12-17T09:59:00.001-08:00

Even in laughter the heart may ache. and joy may end in grief.

-Proverbs 14: 13

2011-12-17T09:20:00.000-08:00

im a grump.

my feet hurt. and my blanket kept rubbing the raw skin yest, so i couldnt sleep the whole night. :/

and i went to buy flowers today, and i think the florist has bad colour coordination, and when she took out my roses, she started peeling away petals that were perfectly fine, and my roses became small!!!! and she put random colours in, and i had to direct her to cut away this and that so the bouquet doesnt look so weird.
(i made her cut away all the weird looking green buds)

i helped carin tie a really pretty and neat bun (: with no bun net! (:

today at cell lunch, i got a shock. cos i thought i saw a eugene look-alike

AHHH hahaha. eugene is one of singapore's best ballroom dancers btw! haha

all so busy and excited playing games that they dont pose for pictures!!!

Finally they look up!! (:

2011-12-16T09:40:00.000-08:00

lunch with eng teck! he's usually the one taking photos of the dancers at comps, so i took a photo of the pro at work haha, even without his fancy equipment (:

proving to him that my iphone camera is not bad too (:

doesnt it look yummy? (:

carin seriously looks like a mannequin no? hahaha

Look what i have been busy with!!!!!

managing a restaurant and bakery!!!! :D

and i have 2 lovely partners now! :D im so lucky

latin partnerrr

standard partnerrr

haha another super funny convo with bro (: anyway, my messages are the ones with the ticks, his are the ones without lol. he can make me laugh even at 1.40am.

ugly feet!!!!! seriously the leukoplast wont come off!! ): and look the bruisies blisters and raw skin!!!

ouchhhhhh. okay im whining. haha

okay gonna sleep

lovelove!

2011-12-16T08:41:00.000-08:00

my feet really hurt!!!!!!!!

and it hurts to shower, cos water makes all my blisters sting like mad!!! esp with soap!!!

in fact i might wear my old latin heels to compete in jan if these new shoes aren't soft enough by then!

anyway, ballroom is really HARD!!!! harder than it looks :/

suddenly i felt that latin is so much more comfortable.

well, i guess practice will make perfect! (hopefully!!!)

and i really love my latin teacher (: she's like my mummy in dance!

You Don’t Need To Say Anything By Chelsea Fagan

2011-12-13T08:15:00.000-08:00

There was a time when receiving even the most insignificant message from you would have been simply incredible — when it would have told me that, no matter what was happening, I still crossed your mind. Because as we all know, silence is the most brutal statement one can make. Screaming about how much you hated me or telling me I was ugly, well, it would have been tolerable. Hate and love are two sides of the same coin; the true opposite of love is apathy. And if you had screamed, I would have known that regardless of how hard you tried to convey your disdain for me, I still meant enough to you to write a few words, to make your sentiments known. But you remained silent, and so I shut up as well.

I have lost people in my life before — I have a choice soul or two with whom I can no longer speak. Even acknowledging their existence, or confronting them with mine, would be just too ugly and pour salt into too many wounds. There are bridges I have burned out of necessity. Yours was simply abandoned, left untended for years until weeds grew through it and the railing fell apart and it became something you might take a black-and-white picture of, but you could never cross again. It was unsafe, destroyed by neglect. And that hurt more — to see something just erode into oblivion is so much more brutal than to cover it with gasoline and to toss a match on it. I wanted fireworks, to go out with a bang. I guess that’s human nature.

And the time that we didn’t speak went from a simple act of convenience into a border which could no longer be crossed. There is an invisible moment in time, a line of sorts, that you traverse at a certain point in a mutual silence. It is the time when, from then on, starting a conversation would be awkward and jagged and require an embarrassed explanation of why you haven’t spoken in so long. We crossed that point a long time ago, whether I wanted to or not, and I knew that going back would be fruitless. Acknowledging each other was over, and it was time to accept the quiet death of a friendship that had taken place.

Of course, I still hoped that you would reach out. One day you would extend your hand and say that you were sorry, that things were okay, that we don’t need to keep this uncomfortable distance. You would tell me that we were being immature, that life is too short, and many other cliches that we could nod in agreement on. I waited for it consciously, then without thinking of it, and eventually I wasn’t waiting at all. My life began to continue, and your peripheral existence didn’t factor in. I was happy without it, and the fact that you weren’t a part of everything was no longer a tangible hole needing to be filled.

Every day became more and more about what was good, enjoyed fully without a nagging sense of “if only I could share it with this person.” I made new friends, and strengthened ties with old ones. I no longer thought about our silence, about our depressing ending, about the fact that we’d never again stay up all night watching internet videos and drinking beer. It was simply a chapter in my life that had closed, and the ending seemed appropriate. We can’t appreciate or understand the endings of things when they’re happening, of course, but with a little distance they usually parse themselves out. We were right to go our separate ways, and I know we’re both the better for it — even if we can’t pinpoint exactly why.

So there’s no need to apologize, to come and say something, to awkwardly jump-start a conversation that goes nowhere in a matter of minutes. There’s no need to acknowledge what happened, or talk about the things we would have done differently. Our lives are filled with things we could have done better, but I know you well enough to know that just because things end on a bad note doesn’t mean all the wonderful music before was worthless. I won’t let the ugly end color my memories of you. But we are no longer the same people, and there’s no reason to force a false friendship because of some misplaced sense of nostalgia.

It’s the holidays, and we are remembering the people we left behind. But sometimes remembering is enough. You’re surrounded by your loved ones, and I with mine, and there’s no need to toast because the season tells us we should.

We’re all okay, and there are so many exciting things in front of us — let’s let that be enough.

old friends, new friends. (:

2011-12-12T08:12:00.000-08:00

I ate TWO ice creams today!!!!

lunch at Swensons and happy feet 2 with my new dance friend, Eldon! (:

mango sago at far east! cos my favourite sour milk yoghurt store closed down ): was so sad okay

then i went for facial, and went to meet carin for shopping!

one of the BEST chocolate ice creams i've ever eaten!!!! it's actually 6 dollars for one small cup, but there's one for one promotion! (: SUPER YUMMY! at city link, near garretts popcorn store (: good things must share. (:

shopping! i think we looked at least 100 pais of shoes to find her perfect ones lol.

matching charms with carin love <3

Look at all the things she bought!!!!!!!

her perfect outfit (: she's gonna look lovely like a rose!!

2011-12-11T05:59:00.000-08:00

when i came back home, one of the first few things i did was to open my treasure cupboard, where i keep lots of letters, diaries and meaningful things. and of course i 'updated' it, and packed in more new letters, and stuff.

did i ever mention i love iphone camera? its so convenient!

my treasure cupboard (:

i did this nice piece of art work last year. i printed out the black pic. and then i cut a small tiny red heart and pasted it in the box. and i think it's cool and meaningful. to me la.

8 diaries documenting life from 8 till now (;

my harry potter specs. i wore them in p1. haha my face used to be so small (:

harry potter cards cos i had a crush on him haha

MY BEAUTIFUL SLEEPING BEAUTY MUSICAL BOX (:
my mummy bought it for my about 10plus years ago, yet it looks real new cos i only look at it about twice a year. and it always makes me happy. it's like a treat to open it (: i hope it will last for a long time, so i can give it to my daughter

Nice pic from JC! (:

Home cooked food by mummy!!! some minced beef wrap in white cream chesse sauce! So yummy!!!

Dad brought me back pearls! <3 so pretty!!!! i love them!

lunch with shiao! (: she wouldnt let me take a photo of her! so i took my fried rice! actually i ordered noodles, but somehow they got the orders mixed up! but rice was nice too!

This is a very typical conversation between bro and I. We do our best to have a bigger ego than the other. hahaha

2011-12-08T09:20:00.000-08:00

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is, what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

2011-12-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

WHY IS TODAY SUCH A GREAT DAY?

WHYYYYY

:D

i just got my SEP results!!!!!!!!!

IM GOING TO NEW ZEALAND!!!!!!!!!!! YAYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

actually i'll be happy as long as i can go somewhere. hahaha

and the timing is pretty good, i was very worried that it would overlap with sch when i come back, but now the timing fits just right. (:

and.... I'm happy because.... :D

secret :D

glamour and glitz, everything untrue, everything sweet.

2011-12-07T07:43:00.000-08:00

been so busy from day to night these few days! full days and nights for the rest of the week!

was wondering if i should go to the Kazakh independance day today, cos i was pretty tired, and wondering if i should go home and sleep early. but well, i had fun last year, and i love nice food, so i went (:

and yessss i didn't regret going AT ALL!! :D

it was awesome fun, and i met lots of cute guys (;

guys have it easy asking for numbers at such functions, because its all a diplomatic exchange :p

hmm, i was very sneaky in taking photos, cos its such dignified company, i feel very immature to be taking photos, so i didnt get any good shots. ):

drinks before dinner (:

anyway, the food is always too atas at such functions. caviar, foie gras, truffles etc. but i don't like those, hahaha so i ate mushrooms, asparagus wrapped with ham and other yummy stuff.

and i ate 10000 chocolate tarts. they were so good! my gymming this week is of no use now. and i risked reputation to sneak 3 into my clutch to take home to the little sis. hahah

i love the dreamy fantasy of these functions

chandeliers dripping with crystals, and the whole ballroom dimly lit. flowers everywhere, and ice piece in the centre of the room, a harpist playing music, waiters and waitresses carrying trays of wines and juices to serve, tables laden with canapes and other delectable treats...

the ladies in pretty dresses, all demure and sweet, with perfectly coiffed hair and make up, and always smiling, always dainty and delicate in manner no matter their age...

where the guys are all impeccably well mannered, polished, and super gentlemanly and dignified. I guess it's cos of they're all young diplomats.

like, it's all very traditional, and its all about mingling through the crowd. and someone would come up, and make small talk, and he'd ask if i care for dessert, he'd escort me there, and help me with plates etc.

so nice (: but then, the annoying social geographer in me would spoil these wonderful fantasies by making me ask myself critical questions like whether it's the place that creates the behaviour, or the behaviour creating the atmosphere.

but because im having such a nice time, i'd tell my inner geographer to keep quiet. (:

OH AND I LEVELLED UP TODAY. (:

usually at these glitzy functions, there'll be press and media present to take pictures etc.

and of all the functions i've attended, i've never been in these photos (except one that my dad dragged me into), cos im obviously not an important person. they wanna take pictures of ambassadors, guests of honour etc.

but today one of the peak magazine photographers asked to photograph me and a young MFA officer together (:

*cough

my annoying sister here asked me : Wah, they got no one better to take photos of ah.

but anyway, i was still very pleased with my performance today (:

the first few times i went to such functions, i was so scared and shy and wouldn't say much, but now my dad can leave me alone for majority of the evening and i can still hold my own in the crowd (:

*except, i met the australian ambassador and i didnt realise who he was :/ thank goodness he and his wife are so sweet and friendly, and they were lovely to chat with.

i think i am getting better with these things (: and now i kinda roughly know who's who, so awkward realizations like the above are getting fewer. it's awkward, cos if they're ambassadors, you're supposed to greet them with 'your excellency'.

lol. it's full of protocol, and knowing who's who.

it's stressful, but it's cool (:

and oh, we met a reallyyyy cool astronaut today, who spent a year in space!!!

okkk im super tired, got to do fieldwork for my prof tmr!

nights!

loveee! <3

2011-12-04T07:29:00.000-08:00

i'm home...

n realllly busy :/

Why so much admin!?!?! :/

my sister says:

but on a side note, i'm so glad to be home with my sister. i missed her so much while she was at hall. It's nice having her home to annoy me all day

anyway, we had fun doing lifts at training today (:

and training with partner today was alright, at least he listened to some of my corrections.

sigh. im constantly helping friends look out and pair them up with partners etc, and yet i haven't found one for myself for standard. lol.

i think i've matched up at leastttt 5-6 couples.

why am i so nice? hahah

ppl ask me to help find partners, and some need help with costuming, trainings, need to teach them how to fill in the comp form too cos some fill in wrongly (!?!?!)

HAIYO.

sometimes i do get this feeling of being tired from managing all these.

esp since some of my main comm is overseas, and the load's heavierrr on those of us who're around.

which reminds me i have to go look at possible jive costumes asap cos my costume ic isnt here ))):

and i can only pray for strength.

but God does give me enough for every new day.

and it does help that i'm not a perfectionist, so i get things done pretty fast, though not perfectly :p

and i like to think of myself as a strong girl :D

hahaha

but one good thing is that there haven't been any emotional outbursts from the dancers hahaha, seriously is a wonderful blessing.

i'd rather do ALL the admin by myself than handle one emotional argument between them. lol. those are incredibly draining.

the one thing i've constantly been praying for is wisdom, esp in handling interpersonal relationships between the dancers. and i decided to read proverbs very carefully.

OH.

i wanted to join interwaltz and there was only 1 person who joined the class. so i fb stalked him. AND OMGOSH!!!!!!!!!! HE LOOKS LIKE HARRY POTTER.

IM SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

but then, i realised later that my mouse clicked the wrong button, and he's joining quickstep, not waltz. ):

so i hyperventilated for nothing.

hahaha.

i contemplated joining quickstep though :p

i went through my favourite cupboard in the house that day and took lots of pictures! but i shall save that post for a day when i have nothing to blog about (:

nights!
love!

2011-12-02T08:15:00.000-08:00

im eating cheese fries while taking a break from packing my luggage.

im moving out of hall tmr ):

i'm kinda sad you know.

my little room is the one place in the world that is 100% mine. haha, practically like my comfort zone....

but still, going home will be nice too (:

and i owe a post abt outing with buddy :D

this is the bus aircon. i have a very weird tendency of opening my mouth when i reach up to turn it off. i have a serious phobia that one day a cockroach will drop out and will land in my mouth.

whenever i think about this i shiver all over, and start getting cockroach daymares. :/

my bud n i :D

i didn't take pictures of lunch ): but yea, we went to TCC for dessert, and it was so pretty!

bud n i also saw a handsome guy

and after he left, i turned around and looked at his table

me: wah, he only drink one juice ah.

bud replied very promptly: nope, he also eat spaghetti.

haha, she observed very carefully eh. :p

super yummy!!! i've been craving cheesecake! and this was like tiramisu too somehow, because of a little bit of coffee in it.

bud kept looking inside her dessert and asking why no chocolate flow out. haha, she so cute. by the time she eat halfway, i told her, "bud, if until now nothing flow out, means not gonna flow out already la"

that girl is so funny, and i loved when she talked about her eden kids. (: so full of heart. (: i hope we get to take same mod next sem! and hope we get to work at eden together next summer!!! <3

Hello Curly Hair

2011-12-02T04:08:00.000-08:00

Hello! i got my hair permed today! i got loose big waves!

the hairdressing shop is super hard to find, but it's a nice place! look, a real gramophone!

how?

was trying to look a bit hippie. i think the clothes make it seem a bit boho.

nice and shiny hair! the lady put in vitamin capsules for us, and i also did a keratin treatment to prevent damaged tresses

hmm.

oh no, i dropped crumbs

Ooh, I love the new subway cookies :D

Goodbye straight hair !!!

2011-12-01T06:35:00.000-08:00

Even though my eyes were itchy, I put on eyeliner today, cos i wanted to take some pictures of my straight hair before i undergo a perm tmr!

yes la, vain la.

sigh im really quite scared. what if i regret???

I wanted to put a purple streak. but joshua tan said i will look like an ah lian. ):

actually my hair is already quite wavy.

hmm. my eyeliner skills are not very good eh. why is one eye smaller than the other?!?!

if i don't take a picture of the ends it looks straight!

haha and i will blog about my outing with angelina buddy soon!

love!

2011-11-30T22:40:00.000-08:00

i've been so hardworking, i worked the whole of yesterday right after exams and this whole day too.

i think i got a neck cramp btw.

I accomplished:

-packing all my clothes and hangers in luggages, and all my books too (NO EASY FEAT OKAY!)

after packing about half, i was so tired i fell asleep on the bed for about 15 minutes while folding clothes

- i submitted an application to global engagement summit!!!

okay, actually i dont really think i will get to go, but i'm just this super compulsive person, and if i think i wanna do it, even if i think it's probably not a good idea, i will STILL DO IT.

i have proven this nature to myself over n over n over n over againnnn.

the summit is held a week before the final exams of next sem. hahaha, and its not even in singapore.

but i just HAD to submit a proposal, else i'd be really uncomfortable, and i keep looking at the application form. hahaha. ive been looking at it for days, and thinking about it, even before exams ended.

but its such a cool conference okay!!!
they're asking for project ideas for change in society!

i love stuff to do with social entrepreneurship!!

so i submitted a a proposal titled: combating negative inner city youth culture with positive culture

the main idea is that planning organizations usually use technical tools such as law, enforcement etc to deal with negative youth gang, drug or sex culture.

but i think that's the wrong approach!! so i said that we should use positive culture as the medicine for negative culture. and of course i elaborated a lot, using ballroom culture as my example :D

okay, i wrote that all here, because i really dont think im actually going!!

besides the fact that it's super competitive and they're only accepting 15-20 international delegates, i also didn't tell my mother that i applied to a seminar held in US, a week away from exams.

hahahahha.

but i wish i couldd!!! it's like the platform for a dream job in future dealing with social change and looking at human rights issues!!

and it'd be super cool to hear what other people propose. some of them will prob get funding to actually carry out their project.

yea, but anyway. tsk me. compulsive nature. i felt very happy just to submit my proposal.

i had managed to convince myself yesterday not to bother writing and applying. but when i woke up, i wanted to do it again. then while i ate breakfast, i decided it was a waste of time to apply for something i really dont have much chance of getting. then i talked to myself and told myself that i have no exams now anyway, and it would be fun to concretise random ideas into a proposal.

So i did.

and i finished a ton of admin stuff for the dance team tooo!!!

so proud of myself :D

and looking forward to dinner with angelina! <3

forgot if i posted this before. but i loveee the colours

2011-11-30T00:36:00.000-08:00

Im finally done!!!

I'm free as can be!! :D

ok actually not!!!

i owe a lot of admin work to dance, and my dance teacher haha.

lotsa planning, cover letters to write, emails to send, info to collate, dances to learn!!!

but thats okay, cos it's fun work!!!

and I have to pack my luggage to go home!

i'm as happy as a bee :D

2011-11-29T16:28:00.001-08:00

SEVEN MORE HOURS AND IT WILL BE OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3pm, please come now!!!!

2011-11-29T06:06:00.001-08:00

it's amazing how one conversation can make me feel so disturbed, and a bit loser-ish. ):

a party girl/model head hunter was talking to me

and she asked me some questions about dance, and asked if i model, and then she asked me

where do u party?

as if its a very normal thing to do. which uh i guess it is for some ppl.

and i uh think i sounded a bit lame. ):

i said i spend all my time dancing so i dont party.

OH NO. I WAS PEER PRESSURED INTO TELLING A HALF-TRUTH ):

seeing as she parties practically everyday, i felt a bit too lame to tell her that i think the music is too loud and i need F1 earplugs in a club. ):

and i recommended her one of my friends if she's keen to look for a male model.

and she absolutely shocked me by asking me if i've done him.

i was stunned for a minute i think.

and she asked me, 'are u the decent sort, babe?'

and i seriously cringed. i didnt know how to answer without making it seem like i think other ppl are very indecent.

so uh. i settled for saying that i won't judge, but i have my own opinions on what should or shouldn't be done.

and then yea she asked if im comfy doing swimwear shoots. i dunno why she decided to try asking again since i already said no before..

and anw to cut the long story short, of course i said no. (my mum would banish me to siberia otherwise)

but out of curiosity, i asked why ppl would pay girls to take such shots, since it's not commercial or anything

and she gave me very honest answers:

some are in it for the art
others are perverts

anyway, i feel rather disturbed. it feels dark and scary.

hmm, guys should protect girls and keep them safe and warm, and give them cuddles and cookies. and not bully them or try to use them :/

2011-11-29T04:30:00.000-08:00

ONE MORE PAPER TO GO!!!!!!

i am very proud of myself today. (: i wrote 22 pages in 1 hour 40 minutes (:

when i asked for a third booklet of paper, the invigilator asked me if i finished writing in the other one. haha

:D

i like exams whereby i have so much to say.

one of my chosen questions was on shopping malls and retail geography, maybe that's why i wrote so much.

so i treated myself to hot chocolate from starbucks (:

2011-11-27T22:55:00.000-08:00

I think Kpop is a very good phenomenon

there's so much entertainment produced by western pop culture, that some asian ones provide more realistic images for young Asian girls.

and its always nice when these asian stars dont do anything to their face or body to make it beyond asian possibility, such as super curves or overly sharp features.

haha. (:

just a thought (:

i like wondergirls, and i started listening to SNSD recently. actually its not so much of the song, i like the dances (:

and the girls are cute (: i like cute ((:

and almost all my friends are done with exams!!! but i have 2 papers more )))):

hurrrry examssss, be over!!!!!!!!

i love my friends!!! SO MUCH!

2011-11-26T04:16:00.000-08:00

i am seriously blessed with a lottttt of wonderful friends.

viva girls

i had an AWESOME SHOPPING TRIP!!!!!! :D :D :D

i really love having girlfriends you know.

and they're girly like me :D

everytime we eat, we can order a few things and share, so everyone gets to try everything, which i really like!!! :D

and we always have room for dessert!

and we go shopping for hoursss!!! :D i really like that!!

and we have girl talk, and we do silly girly things together. (((:

oh and all 3 of us bought this coupon thing!! 30 favors to say i love you

and we promised that when we use each coupon we will tell each other the story!!

i love storiessss (((:

im so happyyyy :D

but im quite a terrible student, i have 2 more papers next week :/ haha

lovely captainnn

and i've been spending a lot of time with my lovely friend :D

studying together at starbucks the entire day, sleepovers, dancing etc (:

I think i've prob watched a million dance videos because of her, and i have to always tell her to STUDYY!!! hahah

and she teaches me dance techniques and i sit on her to stretch her, but she always bursts into peals of laughter and falls all over.

she's like a small elf with sunshine laughter when she's happy. :D

Bro

most awesome guy friend ever, and the only guy i actually believe will really be there for me when i need him.

we have a funny friendship really. sometimes we dont see each other or talk for like months, but when we do, its as if we last talked yesterday. the funny thing is that we often miss each other's significant high points, sometimes, we even miss birthdays.

but we're always there for each other's lowest points in life. haha, its cool. i really really highly doubt i'll have another guy friend whom im so comfy with, and yet we are really really completely platonic.

DJSLX

technology is seriously wonderfullll

and whatsapp is the best thing ever!!!

I CAN SMS JESS FOR FREE :DDDD while she is sitting in her econometrics lecture!!! how cool is that!!

and we can group chat too!!! i feel very excited whenever someone replies. haha the same way i used to check yahoo very often when our email threads were active. haha :D

and JESS IS COMING HOME SOOOOON!!!! :D

i'm going to have someone to call on the house phone!!! :D

jazi

i stalk her pretty face on fb and i stalk her writing on her blog very often.

and and she's another of those rare friends that i can't see and can't talk to for monthsss and yet we can just pick up where we left off :D

she is also my oldestttt friend, so i guess when u've been friends for 17 years, a few months of separation between meetings don't matter :p

love her <3

anyway, i have 4 very important Js in my life.

Jasmine. Jessica. Joshua. AND... JESUS :D

hahaha isn't it cool?? i was real amused at the affinity i have with Js. :D

maybe i need to find a life partner with a name starting with J as well :p hahaha jkk

and i'm going to meet up with more of my friends soon! :D

i think the gymmers might be meeting soon! (it was so lovely to bump into shinnamon at starbucks that day )

and im meeting angelina buddy!!! whose blog i have been faithfully stalking as well :D i miss her!!! everytime i see silly kids stuff or caterpillar cartoons i will think of her and charlie the caterpillar. hahaha

i might be meeting shiao, whom i haven't seen in the longest time!!!!

wicked with puppy soon!! :D im really quite excited to hear the songs live!!

I AM SO BLESSED :D

with friends like that, I don't feel scared for my exams!!!! :D

i've had a rather happy exam revision period and my exams have been going smoothly and well so farrrr. :D

2011-11-24T07:46:00.000-08:00

i walked home in the thunderstorm today

i was completely utterly soaked to the bone

my clothes were completely soaked through, and my hair got a wash

it was like showering

i splashed in the puddles

and i closed my eyes and lifted my face to the sky

it was awesome

i haven't played in the rain since forever.

((:

i was going home from exams, and wondering how i'd get back without an umbrella

then i figured, im going to get wet with an umbrella anyway, i might as well just not care and enjoy a slow walk in the rain.

(:

i love rainy days.

sweet potato and me

2011-11-23T04:59:00.000-08:00

A place within my heart
My heart within a place
A small shop in which I’ve recalled so many memories
So many memories, created in that little shop.

I love sweet potato porridge.
With tomato egg and cabbage.

It’s been a refuge as I got through the first semester of uni
Listening to silly melancholic mandarin love songs
Feeling my eyes get blurry, and my nose get fuzzy
At every thought of you being so far away

I always asked myself
Why can’t you be here?
Why can’t I be there?
Love, we're but separated by an ocean or two

It’s been here that I return to after dance lessons
After disappointments or excitements in dance
I comfort or reward myself with piping hot porridge
Defrosting myself from the cold of the long bus ride
Resting my achy muscles in the warmth of familiarity

It’s been here that I sent you those silly sweet text messages
That made you nearly drop your phone
And received the replies that made me
Smile into my sweet potato porridge

It’s been here that I bragged that I was going to have 10 dances at my wedding
And you proudly told me you were going to do the same

Well, you might still have your 10 dances, maybe...
As for me, we’ll see…

But for now
It’s sweet potato and me.

2011-11-22T05:27:00.001-08:00

wowww, blogger has a new posting format. so coolio now.

haha and i should prob not be blogging in the midst of exams!

but this place is practically like a dumping ground for thoughts, and im scared i'll forget!

and i shouldnt be reading abt dance stuff, but i couldnt resist of course. so here's some stuff i found on various websites!

some things about dance partnerships

1. For serious competitors, a dance partnership can be just as sensitive and personal as a minor marriage.

okay, i kinda balked when i saw this! MINOR MARRIAGE?!?!?! what on earth is a minor marriage?! GOSH!!! i hope that if i ever get married, it will be a major marriage? hahah, not just major, but singular! hahaha

2. One of the most essential traits about a good partnership is that you honestly respect and admire the way the other person dances. You must honestly like their style. You like their sex appeal, their timing, and feel in your heart, that they're very, very good. You would be amazed at how much more fun and creative you both can be when you respect and enjoy each other's dance style.

i think this is reallllly true, which might be a reason for my currently very unsuccessful stagnant partnership. i've don't enjoy his dancing anymore, and i find a lot of problems with it, and probably, he finds lots of problems with me too.
which is why we, or at least, I am unhappy.

on a side note, this totally applies to relationships.

3. The break-up of a dance partnership can be very emotional, depending on the degree ofcommitment and time invested. As stated earlier, when hopes, dreams, emotions with a significant amount of time and money are invested toward a goal, one or both partners can be heartbroken.This might be difficult for a non-dancer or a non-competitor to understand, and even confusing for the person experiencing the emotions. But the loss of a dance partnership brings about similar emotions, especially if one of the partners has already moved on to a new partner.

sigh. so i dont want to create unnecessary drama for my now happy life. but im still quite unhappy with the dancing.

its not that i think im better than him in any way... its just that i am beginning to feel that my frame is too big for him.

his waist is seriously too small, that sometimes it can't support my weight very well. which is why we always have probs with stunts.

and that's what the teacher said too.

but i shall think about this again another time. STUDYYYYY love <3

oh and if anyone is keen to read the full article, it's here!

http://www.salsastories.com/stories_c-d/competitors_only.htm

it even has a section discussing whether u should sleep with ur partner, and how to handle jealousy. LOL. talk abt intense.

2011-11-20T07:21:00.001-08:00

my daddy shared a nice message with me today, that he learnt from church.

He shared about what the pastor said about Joseph, and about life.

Good and bad things are gonna happen in turn, so don't be too sad when thing's don't go well, things will get better and cherish the good things, but don't build up an identity around it, because it's going to fall as well.

However, because we trust in God, we can rest assured that at the end of our lives, God will take us to a good place.

(:

i quite liked it.

it's true isn't it? (:

I HAVE BEEN EATING LIKE MAD.

2011-11-19T10:47:00.001-08:00

Cheese fries!!!

fried ice cream!!! <3 <3 <3 SO DELICIOUS

anyway, it's almost 3am now. i just came back from a salsa social and supper with the dancers, many of whom i've met for the first time.

and i danced salsa and open hold bachata.

and both dances i have no idea how to do, so i just followed the guy's leading. i bet i mangled many steps, but its okay.
some guys were really considerate and tried to keep their dancing at my level, and some just keep spinning me around and around until im so dizzy. i just tried my best to follow whatever steps they did.

but it was fun on the whole, although quite stressful also. i really have to just follow the guy's leading cos i really dont know any steps.

kinda cool i guess. and somehow, dancing with random strangers takes some stress off, cos its so dark, i dont think they really recognize me also. haha

im glad just to be brave enough to dance at a social for once. it's always the first dance that's scary. after that it doesn't seem so scary anymore.

although im a terrible student ):

i was supposed to go home and study, but yea.

2011-11-18T08:49:00.000-08:00

There was a boy...
A very strange enchanted boy.
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea,
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he.

And then one day,
A magic day, he passed my way.
And while we spoke of many things,
Fools and kings,
This he said to me,
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return."

-moulin rouge

Consider the lilies of the field

2011-11-17T23:29:00.000-08:00

I chanced upon a secret garden, a quiet Eden
In which a steady river flows.

My heart gladdens.

I have been searching for a long time
It has been a long long time…

I wearied of searching
I resigned myself to sitting in the dust

And now
It has unlocked itself and I am startled.
It’s always been just round the corner

It is scary
Dreams up close are a little frightening.

You are not in the garden now
I know not where you are
But that’s alright
I hear your voice from all around

I am safe
Protected, within these 4 walls
There’s no one here, just the sky above and I

That’s okay.
I shall lie down and sleep for a while
And consider the lilies of the field.

I'm home.

2011-11-16T19:31:00.000-08:00

okay, people are starting to scare me.

i wake up in the morning (from a bad dream, may I add.

Let me talk abt my recent dreams first
i've been having plenty of really horrible tiring dreams.
in which im running like madddd cos the teachers are trying to kill me. lol i was so tired when i woke up, my heart was beating so fast. felt like i didnt sleep. haha

and yesterday i dreamt that everything was burning down, and i was trying to save baby blue my penguin. LOL. and everything was sooo smoky!!!! it was so yucks.

and i dreamt of getting attacked by crocodiles, scary fish, sharks. etc etc.

basically, lotsa dreams recently in which im in danger, so gotta keep jumping and running and i hate running. so even running in dreams is very tiring okay.

and continue...

and the first 2 ppl who talk to me didn't sleep at all the night before.

:0

why so scary!!!!!!!!

and i'm starting to get a rising lump in my throat.

but....

i will not be scared.

it is good to wait quietly for the Lord.

The Lord gives, the Lord takes away, the Lord will provide and if He does not, He is still sufficient for me.

2011-11-16T08:31:00.000-08:00

I tried to be healthy today (:

look what i ate for dinner! (:

yummy pasta salad with zucchini and olives

and sushi!! <3

but then i got hungry and i ate a very oily but oh-so-good omelette and sausage and chocolate milk!!!! i've been craving milk, for some reason. i keep drinking soya bean milk these few days. haha

and this is actually just to practice my iphone picture taking skills (:

love!

Hearts break but they don't break even

2011-11-15T20:08:00.000-08:00

my current favorite accessory broke ):

i haven't brought myself to throw it away yet ):

2011-11-15T06:34:00.000-08:00

Dancing is poetry on legs.

these are my legs, they're not perfect but they're mine and i'm proud of them and i love them.

i'm always so critical of my own looks, i always find fault with something,i think it's time for some self love and time to be proud of who i am, and what I have and what i can do.

so let's start with the legs. (: i'm proud of them because without them, i can't dance, and i can't go shopping, and I can't climb stairs (although i don't like to), and i can't wear heels, and i can't see many things cos i'd be short.

plus i feel very artistic because of it. lol.

i feel very artistic recently. (:

2011-11-13T00:47:00.001-08:00

“I became aware that our love was doomed; love had turned into a love affair with a beginning and an end. I could name the very moment when it had begun, and one day I knew I should be able to name the final hour. When she left the house I couldn't settle to work. I would reconstruct what we had said to each other; I would fan myself into anger or remorse. And all the time I knew I was forcing the pace. I was pushing, pushing the only thing I loved out of my life. As long as I could make believe that love lasted I was happy; I think I was even good to live with, and so love did last.

But if love had to die, I wanted it to die quickly. It was as though our love were a small creature caught in a trap and bleeding to death; I had to shut my eyes and wring its neck.”

― Graham Greene, The End of the Affair

2011-11-11T01:01:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you what this funny boy said.

Him: -.-- hahaha
haha you know i'm super desperate

Me: Why

Him: i'm like watching janet sing fix you
with my computer muted
(Janet stands for some youtube singer btw)

HAHA, he refused to let me post it on fb so i'll post it here.

why so cute!!!!!! HAHAHAH

Amor, Pérdida, Anhelo- Love, Loss, Longing

2011-11-09T02:06:00.000-08:00

Presenting the synopsis of the vwaltz rumba item :D

Amor, Pérdida, Anhelo

Entre lo que existe y lo que no existe,
el espacio es el amor.

De lejos te quiero mucho,
de cerca con más razón,
y si un día no te veo,
se me parte el corazón.

Entre rosas he nacido, entre espinas moriré,
pero a ti, amor mío, jamás te olvidaré.

Between that which exists and
that which does not
is the space called Love.

In the distance I love you,
close by with more reason,
and if I pass a day without seeing you,
my heart shall break.

Between roses I have been born, between thorns I will die,
but my love, I will never forget you.

we found that poem somewhere, and we came up with title and translated it all into spanish.

i think it sounds nice.

and there's many double meanings for us :/ its nice to put all of that on stage...

im really hoping and praying it'll turn out fine !!

but its getting exciting, we came up with the idea of what to do for vwaltz, and we cut and edited the songs!

we did that till 4am last night, then we fell asleep, and then woke at 12plus and continued to about 4pm. (:

haha

<3

2011-11-06T18:30:00.000-08:00

summer tania and i are failed camwhores.

we wanted to take pictures of our yummy food, and we actually ordered 3 rounds of food.

but each time the food came, we forgot all abt photos, and we ate and ate and ate until there was no food to be photographed, then we remember. hahaha

so, sadly, tania and i didnt get to use our cameras. haha

i love girl outings (: (: (:

with girls, you can share main courses and order SUPER A LOT of dessert. hahaha

we only ordered 2 main courses to share between us, after which we decided we were full.

but then for dessert, we ordered mexican crepes, churros and ice cream

and then we headed to NYDC for ice cream mudpies. LOL

oh and we ate salsa chips haha

full of eating, and chit chatting, and love! :D

at the close of the day

2011-11-04T19:44:00.001-07:00

before the curtains fall
the lights fall on you

and sketch an outline of your silhouette
drawing the contours of your face
in the same places my fingers used to trace

ah. but my fingers are no longer tightly clenched
you see, my heart has set you free

la dolce vita (:

2011-11-03T04:07:00.000-07:00

milestone of my life: I AM BEING ALLOWED TO SHOP ONLINE!!!!!

haha. its a good and bad thing really.

but my mum has finally allowed me.. -after much apprehension and discussion of course- to have a paypal account.

hahaha, of course i still need to report everything i wanna buy before i actually buy it. but YES!!! (:

and i already bought 2 skirts. haha. that's why its a bad thing.

but yayyyyyy :D :D :D

and on sunday, i went to visit my little darlings at children's church (((: i missed them and their super tight hugs (:

fun things are coming up !!! (:

- NRA concert tmr, which i thought i wouldnt be going for, but guess i am! haha
- meeting to plan for dec trainings with michelle tmr before the concert (i consider dance meetings fun actually haha)
- planning for our dance camp! (:
- facial and lunch with mummy tmr
- girl's lunch date with summer n tania on sunday <3
- poland's national day reception n concert
- family dinner to celebrate my parent's anniversary (((:

studying seems to have lost its place in my life! hahah, oh no, im a terrible student!

i did something dumb this week btw. i went for lecture, and sat there with a handful of other blur souls for abt 10 minutes before we realised there's no lecture cos the lecturer is in UK.

so the next day, i didnt go to tutorial, thinking there wasnt tutorial since he's in UK ): turns out the Teaching assistant conducted tutorial instead. SIGH.

2011-11-02T06:39:00.000-07:00

i am waiting
for what I do not yet know
waiting for more stories to unfold
for more springs and summers perhaps

but whilst i am waiting
quietly in the silence
i watch and listen and learn

the wind is an old friend
it gently curls around my ear
and envelops me fiercely in turn

and the falling autumn leaves
they are beautiful

so pretty
its a pity

they're for goodbyes.

2011-10-31T03:42:00.000-07:00

i love starbucks. (:

i am now a proud starbucks card holder hahaha, my card is super pretty pale blue with snowmen on it (:

but i don't really like coffee, i have been drinking peppermint mocha, with half shots of expresso (: i can handle a bit of coffee but too much will make me sick.

i think im buying into the starbucks ideals and lifestyle, rather than the drink only.

i love how warm it feels, and the taste of peppermint is like christmas, and they have nice christmassy music, and the aroma of warm coffee makes me think of christmas. (:

it makes me think of traditional frosted christmas windows, and warmth, and at the same time, it makes me think of global cosmopolitan lifestyles. and i like both (:

so i really like starbucks.

and i love christmas. i am so excited for christmas (:

2011-10-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

done with the performances for the sem i think (:

viva was awesome yesterday (:

carin, summer and i were like mother hens preparing our 15 girls for a beauty pagaent. haha, we were curling hair, doing make up, pasting false eyelashes for them.

then when it was all done, carin made them line up against a wall for inspection. hahahaha, QC them, and make sure all their straps and hair pieces were all fastened securely. (:

then it was the senior's turn to hurry rush and make up and change in 10-15 minutes, and of course, we were ready on time (:

and the floor was awesome yesterday, and the atmosphere was great (:
i remembered why i love performing (:

the stunts for telephone all turned out well. (:

and then we all ate SO MUCH food, we had roast beef, salmon sashimi, pan fried fish, and super a lot of cake, soups, pastas, and high class food from the buffet line. haha, so fun (:

the juniors were so happily taking photos, it was awesome, i felt good abt viva for the first time in a long time (:

everyone looked beautiful, and everything was glamorous, and the dancing was decent, the atmosphere was happy. i felt happy n proud standing with the rest of the seniors looking after the team.

and cos it was late, carin came to stay with me again, and we played rumba and waltzes the whole night choosing perfect music for the cactus performance

we're having surprise pizza for them on tuesdayyy (:

it feels like all the bad stuff abt the team has settled, and we're headed in the right direction, and everything is lovely at least for now.

i dunno how long it will last till there's some form of conflict. but i'm going to enjoy basking in the wonderful glow of being in a wonderful team like viva and enjoy the privilege of co-heading this team together with the rest of the seniors.

viva will probably be the only thing i truly remember abt NUS after i graduate, and it has taught me so many things and given me so many experiences to go places and do things i never thought i'd have the chance to.

in viva, i feel less of a student. i feel like an artiste and a dancer.
and im grateful for the chances i've gotten in viva (:

they won't ever see this i think, but i also really love all the friends i've made there (: every single one (:

2011-10-28T23:36:00.000-07:00

This blog has been so serious and nostalgic for a while.

Let's have something fun (((:

I'm curling my hair for lions club performance haha

and i was trying to figure out how to be able to see what i'm curling, then genius me decided to use webcam to see what im curling (:

so of course, since i'm curling in front of a camera, i should take some photos (:

i love having curly hair.

but too bad i dont know how to use photoshop to do some make up or to smudge out flaws. lol. and i was too lazy to put on makeup just to take nonsense photos haha

relatively straight hair still

for halloween (:

ALL DONE (:

yay! curly hair, like curly fries and curly noodles. yum yum yum (:

i love viva. i do.

2011-10-28T20:31:00.000-07:00

Jungle showdance (: which sadly still has no name. hahaha

i love viva <3

and all the people in the photo. and some who aren't in the photo too.

we've come such a very long way... through arguments, and change of casting like 3-4 times. this is the final cast, after cutting out another 2 couples, and changing here and there.

and the shopping and sewing of costumes, and rehearsals. all the laughter, the snappy words, the tears, the injuries. 1 missed competition. the lame but very scary scary arguments over shaving for the guys. hahah

sigh. it's all over.

it's been about 5-6 months since we've been training for this, so it also happens to coincides with a significant period for me.

and everything is over. haha, we're not who we were when we took our first step into this routine.

we've finished gracefully.
we've made our bow.
we've made our exit.

and life goes on.

random things to do

2011-10-28T19:31:00.000-07:00

Go to a movie alone.
so cool (: i've always wanted to do that

Live alone
kinda already am (:

Train for (and finish) a huge physical test like a half-marathon.
no running for me, dancing counted?

Go to a scary doctor's appointment by yourself
been going..

Fly to a foreign country by yourself.
ok, this one is not so possible anytime soon haha

Witness something once-in-a-lifetime
or even just a pretty rainbow

Go on a date with someone who actually makes you nervous.
hmm. i can't remember the last time i felt nervous. excited and tingly maybe, not nervous i think.

Go out with an older man who takes you somewhere nice and makes you feel like a million bucks.

Go out with a guy who makes you laugh ‘til it hurts.

Invest in a LBD (little black dress) and some sexy stilettos.
i have both, but i'm looking for shades (:

Sit at a bar by yourself and drink a martini. Cool.

i really wanna do this! maybe on my next birthday eve (:

Buy something frivolous and expensive that you LOVE wearing.
aiyo. i always buy frivolous things that i love wearing

Host a girls-only night.
I LOVE GIRL'S NIGHT OUTS (: (: (:

2011-10-28T09:04:00.000-07:00

been alternating between singing and dancing (:

if u love the arts, life's good (:

weather's been perfect recently, always raining when im in and stops raining when i need to go out (: so weather's always cool, and nice for snuggling under the blankey (:

and i love the smell of rain (:

been meeting friends and catching up, and i've also recently fallen in love with starbucks (:

and today, i bought mr bean, and a triple hashbrown, chicken plus cheese naan (: <3 <3 <3

life is pretty good round here (:

except that i have exams. haha, dec will be awesome (: i can almost smell Christmas round the corner (: i'm already making my christmas card list (: and starting to plan what i'm going to do for christmas ((((:

im very excited (: but then again, it doesn't take me much to get excited (:

2011-10-27T09:51:00.001-07:00

i found out today...

can't say i wasn't disappointed.

but surprisingly, im not sad. it was even kinda expected.

i've learnt not to expect from you anymore.

i sighed again today, not cos i missed you, or wanted you, but cos i realised. im gonna be alright without you.

done.

2011-10-26T08:35:00.001-07:00

look, my family made this for me (: how sweet (:

Comp

finally i'm done with comp.

i guess i don't thrive on loud music. i'm needing some soft music to unwind from the heavy latin beats the whole day, and recovering from my headache. haha, probably caused by wearing false eyelashes.

can't say it was a great comp, but it wasn't totally horrible i guess.

somehow i really felt like crying when my teacher, alice hugged me very tight. ): i really miss ana already...

partnership

partner n i have a real strange r/ship i think. sometimes i can't stand him and i really wanna stop dancing with him, and i don't even wanna talk to him much except when we have to talk abt dance stuff, and i won't really talk throughout training.

and then sometimes, i feel really fond of him, as a partner only though, and am happy dancing together. sigh.

have been so tired i've seriously considered breaking the partnership and taking a break from latin for a while. cos we seemed to be stuck in a rut and aren't improving much.

but i can't decide whether it's just a phase that i can get through, or cos i can't improve enough, or whether its cos i can't appreciate his dancing sometimes etc.

but oh well. we got through this comp, somehow.

and i think the next comp will have novice B cha and rumba, so at least i have something to look forward to. (:

holding on

partnerships really require work to maintain :/

deciding to stick with the partnership, at least for now, is probably largely due to my trying to learn not to quit so easily.

prob the things that are most worth it in life are earned through really hard work and perseverance.

plus im so impulsive and rash that its prob not so good for me. i should learn to be more patient and think first before i start talking nonsense.

i've been thinking through a lot of my past behaviour on my lovely lonely quiet bus rides home from AnA every week. and i've learn lessons that i'm glad im learning at 20 after a breakup rather than at 50 after a divorce.

i'm ok

so many people have been asking me if im ok and commenting that i look really tired and sad that i suspect that stories they hear might not be very representative of truths.

but it did get me thinking. so am i ok?

yea, i think i am.

i'm only growing stronger all the time, and i've grown my strongest yet.

i've grown to learn that romantic love is but a fraction of love.
love is just about wanting the best for someone else, and that love doesn't need to be lost. just keep loving without getting attached to a particular outcome of having to be 'together' and you'll never have to 'get over someone'

am i tired?
yea i am.

am i sad?
yea i am

but am i ok?
yea i am.

one day more... tomorrow you'll be worlds away, another day, another destiny.

2011-10-25T09:19:00.000-07:00

tmr is finally competition. seriously, i can't wait for tmr at this hour, where i can scrub off all the makeup and gel and curl up into my bed.

my ankles hurt, my toes are constantly stomped on. haha every prac someone steps on them, my shoes aren't helping cos they're so loose my toes always slide out. haha and i've got tons of bruises and achy musclessss ))):

after tmr, i can concentrate on rushing out the presentations and essays and projects i need to do urgently! haha

ONE DAY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

can u sense my anticipation for tmr????

One more day before the storm
Tomorrow you'll be worlds away
Tomorrow we'll be far away

Tomorrow we'll discover
What our God in Heaven has in store
One more dawn
One more day
One day more!

2011-10-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

carin is coming to sleep over tonight with me cos she has assignment due tmrrr (:

it's quite exciting (: i've never had a girl friend come and sleep over before at halll (:

and i woke up bright and early to clean up my place. haha, its really terribly messy, and i havent bothered to clean it up for such a real long time.. too comfy. haha

but yea, my room is nice and neat now, everything is in place, costumes stacked neatly, makeup packed away, and all my shoes have gone back into their bags. my room sounds more like a backstage dressing room than a room for a student right? haha

i'm finishing up soon.. one more cha/jive lesson today to clean up.. one more practice for lions club and showdance tmr, comp on wednesday, last choir concert on fri, lions on sat. and then i think i'm kinda done with performances for the sem. haha

Love is a temporary madness,
it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together
that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness,
it is not excitement,
it is not the promulgation of eternal passion.
That is just being “in love” which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away,
and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches,
they find that they are one tree and not two.

- Captain Corelli’s Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres

why don't we go, somewhere only we know

2011-10-22T18:24:00.000-07:00

maybe because I study geog and am constantly thinking about spatialities, places and spaces and their meanings always stand out to me.

For all my non geographer readers, let me introduce 2 concepts to u

1. Iconic spaces

this is quite self explanatory right? something eventful happened, something that happens once in a life time/long time. something extra significant happens or that the place in itself is majestic to behold

2. Fields of care

ordinary mundane places that are nurtured to symbolism through everyday day living, places we pass through everyday, places we spend time together all the time.. etc

maybe that's what i should do my honors thesis on, relationships in the context of spaces and places. i think it'd be kinda cool.

relationships take place in spaces and places, and if they're symbolic in either way that something special happened there, or if it's close to your heart in the way that much of your relationship was nurtured there... it doesn't really get forgotten

that's why we can walk by places and think to ourselves about the history that happened there, even if it was years and years ago.

sometimes when walking with friends, they'd suddenly point out, hmm, i had my first date with my gf here. or we celebrated our first anniversary here. or, yea, my ex used to live there, so i know the area pretty well.

our concepts of the place and space can sometimes affect our mobilities as well. if we're hurting, we might choose to purposely avoid such emotion-laden places, or we might gravitate towards it, to reminisce. so it's not the place itself, but the place has been reproduced with meaning.

ok that sounded very academic, i should save this post so i remember my inspiration for my honors thesis. haha, i really think it might be a topic that could be done! (:

and i learnt this word form linh's blog, and since she hasnt updated it in ages, its still at the top of the page. haha

Smultronstalle: Swedish word, meaning a private and personal place, a place of your own.

i think it's a nice word. i'm glad we had a Smultronstalle. i'm glad we parted from the same place we started.

of faces i've loved

2011-10-22T06:20:00.000-07:00

Each time I have to leave someone
I look back on all the faces I’ve loved

And it’s hard to think that someday
When my heart has healed again
He’ll be just another
Another face I’ve loved

For when the fire has cooled
And the flames have truly died
All that’s left in the ashes
Are the bits and pieces
Of faces I’ve loved
And places we’ve loved

i'm dreaming again...

2011-10-21T09:08:00.000-07:00

i was hoping for a nice warm shower after training, but the heater wasn't working, so i was freezing. its at times like this im glad im in singapore.

and for the whole of the year, i really have no idea what i've been chasing, but i'm tired.
at least i noticed a trend, when i'm doing well and all, i hardly stop to write, in my diary, here, or even to spend a lot of alone time thinking to myself. it just all happens in one whirl of a fast paced dance and the music just sweeps you along, and on and on and on we go... till the music suddenly dies out, and everyone around fades out...

actually, i really like the feeling sometimes.. of being by myself and taking lots of time off to think and dream, and have a period of solitude.

when i say solitude, i don't really mean shutting people out or being an anti-social of course. it's just that in the very innermost circle of my social life, there's just me, and God. and i dont really have people that i don't 'schedule' in.

for example, i schedule in meetings, trainings, appointments, meet ups with friends, chit chats. and when i'm done with all that, i can retreat into my own place, my own world, and its nice sometimes not to have anyone whom i have to/ want to be with when i'm doing nothing. when im doing nothing, im really just doing nothing now (:

it's really nice actually. i know i prob sound a bit strange, but yea, some me time is very good for my soul i think.

and yea, when u don't have someone or people you automatically go to when ur free, u really realise that a lot of chance chit chats or chance encounters are very rewarding. and full of love.

i can't even count the number of wonderful conversations i've had with friends recently, they're wonderfully rich, and flavorful, just like hot liquid chocolate (:

like i had a wonderful conversation with a friend today, who happens to be a christian, while we shared a hot chocolate, and it was wonderfully wholesome, and rich and alive, and it was like the hot chocolate went into my heart and soul too, and i felt warm and safe.

i really don't know how to explain this, but i feel that this is a season of solitude which is very good for me. my soul has been too hurried, troubled and tired out over the year... to the point that i've created trouble for myself. haha

i want to lie under clear blue skies and watch the clouds roll by

i want to sleep under warm sunshine

i want to make vanilla crepes that smell of wholesome butter and milk

i want to pat a small furry animal

i want to smell a rose

i want to read a poem

i want to curl up in bed on a cold day, with a hot chocolate and marshmallows, and read a classic novel

i wanna eat a pie and drink tea

don't these things sound so quaint, familiar and whimsical?

what have I been doing all year? striving to be a better dancer, giving myself grief over my skin, getting worried and anxious and upset at people around me.

i realised.

i have not been at rest the whole year.

now i finally feel at rest, at though i've been a little bird, desperately flying through a crazy wind, and my wings have been beaten sore, my feathers ruffled, and i've finally fluttered down to the ground, and landed in a soft patch of moss, and i'm tucking my head under one wing, and resting.

and naturally, in times of solitude and quiet, and classical music playing, i tend to be pensive. not necessarily a deep sorrow, but a more surface feeling i guess, thinking over life in general and all the dreams that i'd put aside when i tried to be realistic.

its nice to dream again. (: dream of snow covered forests, and log houses with a warm hearth, dreaming of golden wheat fields, and rolling hills, green pastures, a quiet lake...

dreaming of things larger than myself, and my surroundings...

but best of all, i've realised...

well... i have three more dance performances/competition lined up.. and then i told partner i'm gonna take a break for a while...

and im cancelling one whole month of viva training as well (; haha, sometimes having some power is not a bad thing (;

and i'm gonna rest... i'm gonna take myself to a calm place, where i don't have to rush around doing things and meeting deadlines. and i'm going to meet people i love, some of them are coming home from overseas soon and i'm happy to meet them soon (:

i'm going to take long meals, and long walks, long sleeps, and i'm going to spend days reading, perhaps writing if i feel like it, i'm going to watch cartoons and old movies, and i'm going to spend time with my family. one good thing that came out of this is that my family is currently relatively united and there is an outpouring of love to each other. haha, its nice and sweet.
we're gonna set up the christmas tree and lights, and create the warm glow that comes from within.

i'm on my way back to the start to find myself again (:

2011-10-20T05:03:00.001-07:00

today i cut out about 60 printed pages of our conversations out of my diary.

well, for a practical reason that it was making my diary so fat i can't write in it.

and because it represents a heap of broken promises made by both of us, and when promises are broken, it makes no sense to reminisce about the promises we made.

because they mean nothing anymore. looking at them is but a feeble attempt to grasp at something intangible, a vain catching of the wind and it swirls up and away from us...

and it makes no sense too to ask why do we make promises we can't keep. it's like asking why water sometimes drown us, and why fire burns us up. we're human.

my diary is now cut right down the middle, with jagged edges, left over glue, and it isn't pretty and perfect anymore.

but that's life, and its all the jagged edges that makes it all the more beautiful...

forever. always. perfect love. first and last. till the end.

these are words that should not exist in our vocabulary.

we are but a mist, a thin vapor in the wind... yet we make lofty promises...

2011-10-20T04:27:00.000-07:00

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room...

It's not a silly little moment,
It's not the storm before the calm.
This is the deep and dying breath of
This love that we've been working on.

We're going down,
And you can see it too.
We're going down,
And you know that we're doomed.
My dear,we're slow dancing in a burning room

2011-10-19T02:28:00.000-07:00

On and on
Does anybody know what we are looking for?

Another hero - another mindless crime.
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.

Inside my heart is breaking,
My make up may be flaking,
But my smile still stays on

Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance.
Another heartache - another failed romance.

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies,
Fairy tales of yesterday, will grow but never die

The Show must go on.

Day to day troubles are no match for the power of the Lord

2011-10-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

Do not look forward to what may happen
tomorrow; the same everlasting Father who cares
for you today will take care of you tomorrow and
every day.
Either He will shield you from suffering,
or He will give you unfailing strength to bear it.
Be at peace, then.
Put aside all anxious thoughts and
imaginations, and say continually: "The Lord is my
strength and my shield.
My heart has trusted in Him
and I am helped. He is not only with me but in me,
and I in Him.

Amen.

2011-10-14T08:14:00.001-07:00

i am very angry with spammers! every week i have to delete like 20 spam messages!! they are flooding the place like ants!!!

anyway, today i went for an experiment at engine, i was quite annoyed by the researcher, who never replied my emails to confirm the slot, i went down anyway, and he was late ): and poor me sat outside not knowing whether he's late or not coming at all cos he didnt reply me ):

and then throughout the experiment, he kept tsk-ing that my eyes are not focused enough, and i am not staring hard at the screen to give him the result he wants. tsk. experiment is experiment what, no fixed results ): and he didn't give me my money today, he's making me go again tmr to redo some of the images.

gosh, i stare until my contact lens wanna drop out already.

i wanted to tell him, girls got peripheral vision la, plus i have shopperholic eyes, i can scan around quickly, not fix my eyes on one thing and stare it for so long. ):

hahaha.

and then i lugged 2 huge heavy bags of clothes to school cos i thought it was phototaking day cos my geog of fashion proj, but turns out it is tmr ): so i lugged everything back again. ):

so in conclusion, it was not a very good day at all. and i wanted to buy strawberry banana but i was too full and my hands were too tired to carry.

im super whiny today.

and i think im going to die at the competition in 2 weeks time, cos i can't even remember my routines yet. ):

ok one exciting thing is that partner and i are going for contemp auditions (: (: (:
selected dancers get a contract for technical trainings. (:

but on the whole, i am a veyr grumpy cookie. dont come near me or i will bite you.

or like this. haha i picked up a huge bundle of hair that i apparently dropped :/ im balding!!!!!!! help!

2011-10-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

The Boy and The Caterpillar

Once, a long time ago, when men built with their hands and women cooked with fire, there lived a boy in a small village far away from here. He was a happy boy, his heart was pure and his mind was innocent. All he truly longed for was someone to love.

As he grew older, he changed from a comely child to a handsome man. He had spoken to many girls, and many more had shown interest in him. However, deep inside their hearts he saw a coldness. The kind of mild coldness that would make a girl smash a bug because she found it ugly, or hate another girl simply because she was prettier than her. He felt no contempt for them…but he knew in his heart that he could never be with someone who was capable of vanity, envy, or hatred. For this reason, he began to become hopeless for ever finding a girl he would love.

Then, one day, as he wandered through the forest, he heard a beautiful voice calling to him, "Hello there, boy. What is your name?"

The Beauty of the voice immediately piqued his interest, and he began to search for its owner, but he could not find her anywhere.

The voice laughed and said, "What you look for is too large. I am smaller than any girl you would normally see. I am on the tree to the left of you."

He turned toward the left and slowly walked toward the tree, but found no girl…normal sized or smaller. All he saw, sitting on the branch of the tree, was a small caterpillar.

He was just about to continue looking when he heard the voice again, and this time there was no mistaking: the caterpillar was speaking to him, "Yes, I am the voice you heard. Though I am small, and though I may not seem beautiful, I was once a more beautiful girl than any you have seen before. However, a witch, envious of my beauty, turned me into a caterpillar so that she may never be forced to look at me as I was again."

He swallowed before he spoke, for he felt somewhat awkward speaking to a caterpillar, "That story is a tragedy milady, but what can I do to help you? I am a mere village boy."

The caterpillar sighed, "I have given up the curse being broken…all I desire now is a friend. For, since I have been transformed, all the friends I have had have abandoned me."

The boy was happy to grant her request, and held out of arm for her. She climbed it and rested on his shoulder.

Time passed, and he spoke to many other girls. But he found that he grew less and less interested in them. Instead, he began to speak more and more to the caterpillar that rested on his shoulder. He found that, unlike the girls that he knew he could never be with, the soul inside of this caterpillar was pure and beautiful. They spoke every day, and their friendship grew. Eventually, he began to realize that he was falling in love with her. For a time, he hid his feelings, until one day he could take it no longer:

"Caterpillar," he said, "I think I'm falling in love with you."

Her response was immediate, "Boy, I have loved you since I first met you, since I first saw how pure your heart was. But I thought that you would never love a creature as low as me, a mere caterpillar."

He smiled and said, "I care not whether you are woman, or caterpillar, whether you are beautiful or plain, whether you are intelligent or dumb. I see only the beauty in your heart, and that is all I desire."

And for the first time, they both wished she were a woman. They wished it so that he could embrace her, so that he could hold her and kiss her face. But she was merely a caterpillar, and all she could give him was a simple, loving sigh.

After that, they were happy. They often wished for things, a kiss, a hug, a physical expression of their love. They were happy, but they longed to hold each other. And as the days passed, as their love only grew deeper. It changed from a want into a need. And it frustrated them every day. Yet still, the boy would not leave the caterpillar, for he loved her soul.

Eventually, the caterpillar told him, "Boy, as a caterpillar, I have reached a point in my life where I must build a cocoon for myself, and transform."

The boy asked quietly, "Will you transform into a butterfly?"

The caterpillar answered uncertainly, "I am not sure. Normal caterpillars change into butterflies, but I am anything but normal. I may change into something else."
The boy thought, then hopefully asked, "Will you become a human?"

"I hope so," the caterpillar said, "So that you may hold me, and never let go."
So, the caterpillar left the boy's shoulder and built a cocoon for itself in the forest, encasing itself within it. And every day, the boy would journey into the woods and wait by the cocoon, hoping to be there when his love returned. Months passed, and the cocoon grew larger, and larger. And as it grew larger the seed of hope in the boy's heart also began to grow. Soon, it was the size of a man. And at that point, he became almost certain that what emerged would be a girl with the soul he had come to love inside of her. A girl he could hold and kiss and love forever.
And one day, after months and months of waiting, the cocoon finally broke open. What the boy saw was more than he had ever hoped for.

He saw neither butterfly, nor woman, but an angel standing before him. Light emanated off of her. She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And he knew, just from looking in her eyes, that she was the same caterpillar that he had loved.
But when he tried to embrace her, she stopped him.

"Why do you hold me back?" he asked, "I merely wish to hold you, like we talked about, like we dreamed of."

She shook her head, "I am sorry, boy, but I am no longer a caterpillar. I am now an angel. And as an angel, I can be with you no longer. For you, as a human, are simply too far beneath me."

Shocked, he argued, "But…that's not fair. That's not right. I loved you when you were a mere caterpillar. I loved you when you were nothing more than a fleshy bug on my shoulder!"

She smiled gently as she stroked his cheek, "And I wish I could do the same. I wish I could love you even though you are nothing but a caterpillar to me, but alas, I cannot."

And he watched as she flew away, on her beautiful golden wings. And stood there, watching, even when she left his sight, his arm reached out as if trying to touch her. He stood there for days, watching, wishing, incapable of anger, incapable of anything but love for her. Days turned to weeks, weeks to months, and months to years. And weeds grew around him, dirt gathered on him, and shrubs grew off of him. Soon, he became fossilized in the soil. A statue created by nature.

They say that it is possible, if you wander in the forest long enough, to see him now. And that if you do see him, he will speak to you. But it is not you he will be speaking to, it is the angel that has long since left him. And what he will say will not be in our words, but in the old language, more loving and sad than ours would have ever allowed. And understanding what he says is impossible, but in his voice you can hear his longing, his sorrow, and his endless, eternal love.

2011-10-08T08:54:00.000-07:00

Like a little wind-up ballerina that not just has rusted coils, stiff joints,but also flaking paint, worn and chipped, an aged and broken face painted white and colored.

2011-10-06T08:18:00.001-07:00

Behind every sincere 'how've you been?' is a little of 'i've missed u..'

many pretty english rose whimsical pictures (:

2011-09-28T03:25:00.000-07:00

"We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers.
They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening.
Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them;
nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine
and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true "

-Woodrow Wilson

2011-09-16T22:20:00.000-07:00

pre recess week shopping !!!

ive had an awesome pre recess week break! (: (: (:

after handing in 3 assignments on Thursday night, i took thursday night and the whole of friday to really relax and just have fun! (: i tried not to feel guilty for relaxing so much when i got a lot more work to do! 4 projects and 2 midterms coming up ): plus no time to prac for dance. but anyway, relax first (:

so on thursday, i went out to clementi mall, and shopped!!! (: (: (: i bought a pair of white pants and white heels

and on friday, i had to go to musee for IPL, then i did a facial and then i went to shop at 313! (: i bought a leopard printed tank at forever21. and i went to search for the elusive H&M. and i found it eventually, further down from 313, but i didnt like the clothes that much ): its all very structured clothes, very neat and proper, with great tailoring, but i guess i dont like those kind of clothes that much to brave the queues for dressing rooms and to pay.

plus why would i spend so much time queuing when all the nearby clothing outlets are offering sales, prob cos they're trying to rival H&M.

haha, new look is offering $2 for second piece btw. so it's almost like buy 1 get 1 free.

then after shopping, shaun came and met me for dinner! and we went to look at mustafa, cos i wanted to check out the price of daisy edt by marc jacobs and i heard mustafa offers cheaper prices for perfumes.
OH body shop discontinued aqua lily ): ): ):

anw, he's not made for shopping, and he died within a measly 2 hours. i'd been out for 8 hours alreadyy!!!!

that concluded my great 2 days! (:

tutoring job

i took up a weekly tutoring job for special needs kindergarten kids, i do 3 hours a week, 1 hour per kid.

and i think its pretty nice, cos i get to work 1 on 1 or at most with 2 kids, and its the same kid every week, so i get to chart his progress (:

and one of the kids im tutoring is applying for pathlight! so im supposed to chart his assessment to submit to pathlight next time.! thats quite a scary thing for me, but at the same time,exciting! i hope he gets in ! (: (:

and my kids have very pretty eyelashes! perfectly curled and long okayy. i want them too ):